July 2011

     Hey everyone,

     Yeah I know...I know..But everything comes in time. And well I do have some good news and that is I finally am able to see and talk with my children again. Somethings have happened over the last year and half for me. But mostly over the past month. I have endured more hell than what anyone should no matter how RL gets. My lifemate came to me and has been at my side ever since. Together we have endured my ex-roommate's bs and his ex-gf's bs. But I was called something that I never thought I would ever hear. I know our military boys and girls get called this and it is one of the most horrific names to call a person no matter what the circumstances are. I had some stupid bitch call me this not once, not twice, but 3x. I was called a 'baby killer' all because my lifemate's psychotic ex-gf was 'supposedly to be preg' and she isn't preg in the least. But it makes me wonder just how people truly act and how they behave to another person's face with the lying and everything.

Here I AM!!!!!

All Hail the Princess is Here! That would mean me! I’ve been the beloved brat in this crew for many a year. I’m boisterous, utterly adorable, optimistic and full of love for my peeps. We’ve been down a long… very….long road through the years. I am full of sass and spunk!

I enjoy romantic encounters of the male to female variety. Sorry so not like the fam. Although I’ve asked them all if I can do a Sin on them and pop into a body to feel what it feels like to be a man during sex. Call it Freud’s Penis Envy if you must. Curiosity killed the cat…but in reality it just made me want to write. 

I love chocolate although It’s on the no no list for me. I love big rough men. Shifters, vampires, military men. Give me one in uniform and I’ll a  I tend toJpuddle of want. I’m fairly easy to get along with….Fairly  keep the snark out. I’d rather kill with kindness. I’m super smart and I love everything about life.

Some say a smile from me is like a fresh ray of sunshine. *Slaps the males*

Really people do say that…not kidding. 

I am really humble and modest about my work and my talent. I’m loving that it’s grown in such a short span of time.

I am multipublished. That means in two years I’ve amassed six publishers.

I have an agent in mind but I have to finish the damn story to submit write Contemporary Romance, Paranormal Demons, Shapeshifters, BDSM, InterRacial and Multicultural and I did do a f/f story still waiting on news. 

I am part of IRMC Books at http://www.irmcbooks.com/

My links are:

http://www.mahalialevey.com/
http://www.mahalia2010.wordpress.com/

http://www.quackersandteaseblogspot.com/

http://www.hales3000.multiply.com/

www.twitter.com/hales3000

Facebook me at Mahalia Levey

Just Like You!

BUT I WON'T BE!!!!

 

Mental Healing

I’ll start out by saying that in comparison to the last couple months this is one of the best? No better days I’ve had during that time. I won’t deny how rough it’s been for me both mentally and physically exhausting. I’ve endured heartbreak at losing trusted friends, but I’ve also gained some in exchange. I’ve loved deep and lost deeper and it broke me. It’s been overwhelming and has had quite the impact on me. Not a story for me to tell anyone openly so it'll remain with me, myself and I and my counselor of course.  

Last night was a first not to have one of those nightmares where my life had ended, but not by my own hand, but execution style. The meds have got me back on track. A bullet to the head to make it plain and simply put is was what the night terror I had endured was. Yeah see, my meds were finished and I thought I had time before seeing my Doc. I thought wrong. I became a hazard to myself and to those around me. I completely lost my cool. :sighs: Had it not been for my sis and a few friends…

I want to talk about my sister though. I have one sis. No brothers. She's exactly 1yr and 10months younger than me. One inch taller. I like to think we always got along and we were always tight, but me being the older sibling of course you have that sense of needing to protect what is the most close to you in your life and that would have been her. Hell every time I turned around her mouth was getting her arse in a sling and some chick was beating up on her and of course who came to the rescue? Yours truly.

Unlike l’il sister, I was always a shy kid, kept to myself and had few if any friends. I was your typical loner and kinda preferred it that way. I was the kid that in class sat at the furthest back corner of the classroom and by the window where I could stare out and make myself invisible if at all possible from the world, but I can say I never got picked on. I'll take that as a Blessing.

My sis was the first person I came out too. I was nervous and a pack of bottled up shakes. She didn’t judge me and was cool with it as my ‘rents were much later on when I busted into the kitchen and the closet door I hid behind remained forever open.  

See, back in our day we didn't discuss being 'gay' or at least I didn't even know what it was all about till I turned 21. Was I naive? I wouldn't say so. I just was slow to the world and wasn't exposed to the alternate lifestyle life city folk knew more of. How so? I was raised where no matter where you turned and looked around you, you saw farms and nothing but potato fields. Your closest neighbor was a distance of 2 blocks away from you, all roads were nothing but gravel and your source of entertainment was the nearest baseball park where you watched the local league play ball or the tiny hall where sometimes dances were organized. That's where I met my first love. I'll share that story another time. :winks:

I'm sidetracking and I'm sorry, but I tend to do that a lot. I can be very random as my friends know me and that's just one of my many traits. May it be bad or may it be good? Who the hell knows! Who the hell even cares. You take me for the freak I am or you bugger off. :shrugs:

Whether the lack of meds, or a series of occurring events, who knows, triggered one massive attack that I barely could pick up a phone, I made the call and sis was at my side within 5mins. Helps that she lives almost around the bend. If I could tell you what went on in my head? I would, but it’s still a blank void to me. Last night I chose to be alone, stay away from the internet, no phone and just crawl into bed and sleep. I’ve only been getting on average 4hrs and only eating to live not live to eat. Even my furball cat chows down more than I do, but my sis wasn’t having any of it. She dragged my carcass out to have dinner with her. Can I say she’s a Mother Hen? Hell yeah. She’s even a full inch taller than me.

I thought I’d amuse you with what us both sitting down together to have supp is like.

I’m sitting there at the table, 'little' sis :laughing: sitting across from me and she’s watching me carefully like she’s dissecting me with her eyes, but I’m no fool and avoid looking up, but take little glances through my long bangs.

Sis: What are you doing?

Me: :shrugs: Just checking email.

Sis: Put the phone down and eat.

Me: Yeah. Ok.

Sis: Put away the phone and eat.

Me: (I'm trying to focus on an email reply: I will. 


Sis: Put the phone away. 


Me: Yeha

Sis: (she sighs audibly) You’re not eating enough. How much do you weigh anyhow?

Me: :mumbling: Dunno. I lost 10lbs according to my Doc. He thinks I'm looking great.

Sis: Bullshit. Start eating.

Me: I will.

So I ate a few bites and my stomach has shrunk so there’s no way I’d be able to finish the whole damn plate. Yeah get me here?

Sis: Eat!

Me: I will!

Sis: Put the phone down!

Me: In a sec! This seriously can’t wait!

Sis: What’s so important that you can't stop what you’re doing to eat?

Me: (typing away on the puny keyboard) Err just aaah replying to Nat and yammering with Miles. Some. I’ve told you about them. My new blogger buddies and all that jazz.

Sis: Did you take your pill yet? I got a drink so you can take it since you came straight from the Doctor’s office.

Me: Yeah mother I took it.

Sis: :laughing: Little bitch. Put the phone down. They can wait. Now eat.  

Me: Them fighting words, and I prefer Freak these days, but you still lurve me (batting my lashes at her and I do that a lot with her cause it’s annoying, but she’ll laugh at it.) ‘Sides I’m full already.

Sis: Stop calling yourself that. You are who you are. You hardly ate any of that food. You should have gotten it in a container to go. Take it home to eat it later.

Note: (Was she aiming to make me bawl like a baby in public) But, BLAH. BLAH. BLAH. She didn’t stop.

Sis: You’re not listening to me. You’ve zoned out. You do that a lot when people talk to you. Did you know that?

Me: So they say (I shrug) But I block them out and wroooong. This freak is in the zone, sista. :snickering: My own zone and I heard every word you said. (back to replying to emails. Tap, tap, tap) You said... (stopping mid reply of an email I repeat her words, all smug like, cause I’m not that clueless and my hearing is selected and also add) I’m not taking it home cause I won’t eat it anyhow.

Sis: Fine. Since you’re done lets get coffee and you’re buying. 

Me: Drugstore first. I'm thinking of going red on top and the black hair underneath. Oh and I need reading glasses. Did I tell you about the time I crazy glued my fingers together trying to fix the frames... 

:laughing: Nice couple hours huh? Mind you, I don’t do this often, but the change of pace was great from the norm. Spending time with her during her own busy life of two kids and being married to a traffic cop, I have no regrets. We banter, call each other names, but it’s always in good fun and to me she's irreplaceable.

Did I sound too mellowed out... Yeah I guess I do, but I'm in the zone I’m at and rather be right now and the best buzz I needed without the overkill. Anything is better than freaking the fawk out. Thanks for reading and I found getting this down really helped. 

Having friends who stuck by me and give a shit also helped just as much even if I come across as a complete whack-job with my fits, my bullshit and mood swings that put someone PMS'g to bloody shame.  

A tune to express how I was feeling since I can not put it into words. 

Laterz folks! :saluting:

Things I will never understand about people.

Miles:

 I have been dealing with several special people in my life over recent years who thanks to thoughtless self absorbed individuals have been hurt severely. Seems to me there is a rash flooding trend of these god awful, for lack of a better word, fucktards.  

Individuals, as I dare not even include these slimy yellow bellied scumbags in the human race as a whole for lack of wanting to lower the entire species, who obviously were not home trained properly in the correct way of treating fellow humans, or hell, creatures as a whole. Individuals who perhaps themselves were raised by wolves.... no, no I can't dare include that thought, since even the wondrous ever frustrating but very loving Rodent - yes I love you too nephew - was raised quite literally by wild dogs for a portion of his tramatic young life. Wolves and wild dogs do at least have a pack compassion for those they interact with and take in. These individuals were obviously not raised or corralled by such loving creatures as that.


*taps my chin in thought, Gerard Butler's lovely accent droning in the back ground. Lord be that man is hot.* Hm, in thought to that, most animals as a whole do not act or treat those of their kind in the particularly cruel and intentional way that these sub-species individuals do. Yes, they can be cruel and rather lethal in their way of carrying out behavior traits, but that is for survival and not based on emotions, plots, or devious schemes set for the sole purpose of hurting and damaging others. Of bettering their lot in life by crushing those around them. No, only these vile human appearing fucktards do that.


Conning pure souls who grow to love or look upon them as family or friend into believing they are loved and cared for, when in reality they are just another pawn, stepping stone, and or, punching bag laying in wait for the day and time these low-life scumbags decide to flip and ruin their lives and psyche. They do not care who they hurt or how, and they certainly do not give a leaping frog's ass what happens in the fallout other than to drink off the destruction like leeches, lurking scavengers living off the misery for days, months, or years after. Even vampires move on after they drain the poor unsuspecting bastard in their clutches. Again, fucktards, do not rank even come close to the lowest crap sucking dung beetle or flesh devouring maggot.


These... individuals, again that term so loose there is barely webbing to hold it onto the page, need to be trapped, caged, and beaten within an inch of their lives while being forced to relive the pain and hurt they've dished out for at least ten years. Maybe, doubtfully, but maybe then they might see the light of what they have done.


People are not stepping stones, pawns, or a means to an end.

Everyone deserves and should receive true unconditional love. Which means there is no buts to that statement. A person can not stop your love by acting a certain way or saying a certain thing. They can not erase your love by not doing what you want or say or by having an opinion. True love of a friend or family member, no matter if its blood or adopted, means there is nothing they can do short of killing you to stop that love.... unless like these sorry leeching scumbag individuals they use and abuse that trust, loyalty, and love as though you are trash. Burning at the stake comes to mind when I think of them, or worse. 


I am plum sick of that race, and though I am not normally a violent person, I vote we erase their useless sorry existence from the planet immediately.


And, just in case, I have not made it plain thus far, ye of the disgusting puss riddled sub-race... YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE, SO MOVE THE HELL ON AND SCREW UP YOUR OWN LIVES.


~ This is being posted mulitple sites to make the message clear! ~