Lovely Logics

Make peace with your past so it doesn't spoil your present.

What others think of you is None of your Business.

Time heals Almost everything, give the time, some time.
 

No one is the reason of your happiness except You yourself.

Don't compare your life with others, you have No idea what their journey is all about.

Stop thinking too much, it's alright not to know all the answers.

Smile, you don't own all the problems in the World

Do the things you used to talk about doing but never did. 

Know when to let go and when to hold on tight. 

Stop rushing. 

Don't be intimidated to say it like it is. 

Stop apologizing all the time. 

Learn to say no, so your yes has some oomph. 

Spend time with the friends who lift you up, and cut loose the ones who bring you down. 

Stop giving your power away. 

Be more concerned with being interested than being interesting. 

Be old enough to appreciate your freedom, and young enough to enjoy it. 

Finally know who you are. 

Before we say hello we say goodbye...

I want to thank all of you who have touched my heart, been a part of my life at some point, some way or in one form or another.

Bless you all.

Sole Survivor by Matthew Scrivens

Sole Survivor by Matthew Scrivens

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Not a story for anyone who experienced trauma in their life at some point. Sensitive content to them and those that their mind can't wrap around the content this story will contain in it. Faint of heart and weak minded? Not for you.

Bravo and kudos to the author Matthew because I completely enjoyed reading this story and I will be sure to seek out more of what this author has written.

What was I thinking?

First I have to start this off by telling my Angel girl that I'm not blushing and you are welcome for thanking me, your demon. I liked giving encouragement and positive words and feedback. I just wish sometimes I would take my own advice and I'll tell you why.

I feel a little more confident tonight in sharing with this all of you who take the time to read our posts, because if I go back 2 weeks ago it wasn't happening and I kept this in the dark. I kept me in the dark. That is until... I opened up to my counselor. The lady is my rock and I couldn't begin to tell you what I'd do without her. I can't even imagine it. I could be having the utmost shittiest of days and when we meet, when she walks towards me, life just gets brighter. She's like this bundle of sunshine that shines through the darkened clouds of despair and depression. 

Here's what happened and the reason for this blog tonight. 2 weeks ago. Friday night to be exact. My work was having this huge company event. Erm 200 people give or take a few if I had to guess on how many. Company employees from different branches all over Canada attended. The really cool thing was we even got paid hotel rooms for the night. It's a 'have fun, don't drink and drive' event. Safety first. Yeha right! They didn't know about me on the 'safety'.

What I'm about to tell you will make it known to everyone the sit. with me. I've been diagnosed and confirmed to having Acute kidney disease also known as Acute renal failure. I'm scheduled to see a Nephrologist in April and we'll see from there. 

Back to what I was saying. So I'm sitting back, enjoying myself. I did not take any of my meds that day so I can indulge in a glass of wine. Or two. That lasted a whole :thinking: 30 minutes at most. 

See, word got out, still don't know who the source is, about my kidney disease. Holy bullocks and Christ's crotch! Next thing I know is people are coming up to me with pity and it sounds like they're giving me their fawking condolences. What. The. Fawk! Give me your support, your shoulder if I need it to lean on or just talk, give me encouragement but DON'T give me pity! ANYTHING but that. So the glasses or wine went from 2 to 3 and so on till I just said fawk it all and started drinking from the bottle. Two hours into the night and man oh man was I wasted. It was MINT! I can tell you I was feeling no pain, but just wait... it's coming. Cause this builds up and bites me in more than just the arse. 

So afterwards a stack of us head down to the hotel's bar. Free drinks just kept on coming and blimey didn't not the pity keep pouring right on it to go with it. Ok NOW I want the pain to go away. Just fawk right off. I downed the last of my drink and called it a night. Hauled arse up to my room, sat in the middle of the damn floor and lost all cool right there and then. But yeah know what? all the tears you cry just doesn't erase the pain and it wasn't doing it for me. Someone or something must've been watching over. I looked, searched and ransacked that room for something sharp. Anything. My mind was one clusterfawk of people with all their pity bullshit on their faces and I couldn't erase it from my mind. It swirled around my already demented brain till it became this black inky pool. I wanted it all to END. I needed it to end and if I could just find what I was seeking I would have made it all FINAL that night. That's right, I was on a suicidal mission proving to be impossible. :sighs: All I found though in my desperation to find some relief was the metal buckle on the belt for me pants. Wasn't fatal but grinding it into my forearm was heaven beyond words and I felt... FREE. 

As you can see, I'm still here so my plot of Life end didn't fall through and after speaking to my counselor I'm banned from all alcohol permanently. At least till I get my shit together. 

Will I have these thoughts again to find that little piece of solace? I can't answer that, but I won't say no either. 

On a better note... I always told myself which is what it boils down to: If I had one last trip to go somewhere that I'll ever be able to take before I can't ever travel again, where would I go. That was easy. It's Denver, Colorado. Guess what? I'm set on booking that flight for June 15th to experience Denver Pride and to visit a very good friend and the main reason I've chosen to be there. I might miss Pride if the date needs to change after seeing the specialist, but that doesn't matter not one iota. It's seeing that one true friend that counts the most. 

I'm pretty damn tired now and hitting the sack to crash. Not been sleeping well and time to call it a night. I'll end this with wishing y'all a great weekend and thanks for following and reading the posts. Comments are not necessary so don't feel obligated. Just... THANKS!

March 2012

Hey everyone, sorry for not being on as much. I'm hoping to be on more IF my connection allows me too. I just wanted to say thank you to Raiden, Hales, and so forth. But the biggest thank you goes to our resident Demon. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't be apart of this wonderful group. I know that we all go through our trials and tribs but sometimes those things can get to be so overwhelming that they affect all aspects of our lives. But I will let everyone know that Demon is right about one thing *turns to Demon and smiles* Sorry love if I'm going to embarrass you. He is right that we can't allow anyone else live our life for us and that eventually we must take control of our own life and to hell with anyone else and what they think.

Now on to better news I AM OUT OF SCHOOL FOR 6 MONTHS. Finished my last class on Sunday March 11th, of this year *party time and smiles and dances silly* I love each and everyone of you with all my heart. I also can wait to get the first sonograms done of the baby so I can post them for everyone to go gaga on *giggles*

march 2012

Hey everyone, sorry for not being on as much. I'm hoping to be on more IF my connection allows me too. I just wanted to say thank you to Raiden, Hales, and so forth. But the biggest thank you goes to our resident Demon. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't be apart of this wonderful group. I know that we all go through our trials and tribs but sometimes those things can get to be so overwhelming that they affect all aspects of our lives. But I will let everyone know that Demon is right about one thing *turns to Demon and smiles* Sorry love if I'm going to embarrass you. He is right that we can't allow anyone else live our life for us and that eventually we must take control of our own life and to hell with anyone else and what they think.

Now on to better news I AM OUT OF SCHOOL FOR 6 MONTHS. Finished my last class on Sunday March 11th, of this year *party time and smiles and dances silly* I love each and everyone of you with all my heart. I also can wait to get get the first sonograms done of the baby so I can post them for everyone to go gaga on *giggles*

Enigma by Nephlim

Enigma by Nephylim

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

*** 4.5 ***

In three words this book is mind-numbing, heart shattering and a complete anxiety inducer. I say this in all a positive manner. Well perhaps for me but not for most.

Warning: It's not for you if you have been in a seriously abused or traumatic situation. I think, not I know you have to be fully emotionally in tact prior to reading this. If you can then you are reading one explosively damn good story.

The story is told in first person by River himself, through his eyes, his words and his experience of the whole situation since his first meeting Silver.

Silver, a boy kidnapped and torn from the life he once knew to be tortured daily, beaten and abused constantly as the story will eventually reveal as Silver with the caring and friendship of River, will soon reveal itself, being groomed to being a slave.

It's still fresh in my mind a story I read a few weeks back of boy being taken and used, abused and so forth that perhaps that's maybe why I was still very sensitive and open emotionally when reading this one.

When River who is the psychologist on Silver's case when he's first admitted to the home in which River works at, he's only a shell of himself after being left for dead on the side of the road, battered severely, left comatose and found by a passerby. Silver, against all odds comes through it, but not unscathed. He retreats into himself and it's left to River to pull him back to the living which his love, friendship and devotion.

Do you think this is what the whole story is about? Think again. There's going to be so many moments, twists and turns that I kid you not when I tell you I had to break away for a few moments when my anxiety levels started to kick up and I thought an attack was going to kick in. You become so in tune to Silver through River's words and the author's writing that you'll not be able to put this book down very easily and you will not forget it for months to come. I know I won't. I'm not haunted to the core by their story.

I honestly give kudos to Nephylim, the author for one hellova intense read. I would also have given this a complete 5, but was deterred by the visible word errs and missing little words that I hate to admit I get anal about.

At the end of the story Nephylim mentions a book 2 coming soon and Heaven forbid I have every intention of being one of the first to pick it up. Hopefully the wait won't be long in coming!

A song that inspired myself and hopefully others against Depression

Celebrating Gay Films. How many you seen?

Give a Boy a Gun by Todd Strasser

Give a Boy a Gun by Todd Strasser

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

A true story of what happened at Middleton school. NOT fiction.

Two boys 3 years of high-school together they are haunted, laughed at, tormented and bullied to the point where they both SNAP. In this book it's not because they are gay, they aren't. Because they are to those bullies: lower life forms on the food chain.

The book contains the following contents:

- Final letters of both boys prior to their vengeful mission to make them all pay. The bullies on the football team and the school teachers who stood by and allowed it. Turning a blind eye to when went on with their students.

- Bits of messenger convoy between Brandon and Gary along with a couple other of their friends in discussion prior to what leads up to the final day.

- The story alters from person to various persons who or knew these boys, interacted with them in some way and acquainted with one or both and they tell you from their POV from the time both Brendon and Gary met mid 8th grade to that Friday night while in 10th grade where a school dance was their perfect chance to plot said revenge and to their plans to the extreme level that they'd been plotting for weeks, months, maybe longer. All chaos and hell breaks loose as their 'mission' is executed, yet not all goes as planned.

So much more I wish to tell you about this short book that I own, but why spoil and spill it for those of you who haven't read this one yet.

Brendan is the one of the two who is outspoken and not a pushover. Gary is quiet, reserved and a complete introvert. My heart bled for both Brendan and Gary. These boys were a ticking time bomb which eventually combusted and ignites when their lives collide.

Do not confuse this with being a gay novel because I read it. It is not so.

I read

I see

I understand it, but...

The signs were there. It could have been prevented with stricter no tolerance school rules on bullying.

Final note:

It's sad, rather pathetic that the teachers although they claim in the book that they are there to teach the children and not raise them, are still a part of these teenagers every day lives. They are the figures of our piers that most look up to and hope for guidance to be respectable citizens when school ends and they have a whole life ahead of them in that grown up world which awaits them. Not at this school. The kids are let down unless... you're a jock.

After having read this my view is I hold the bullies responsible and the adults, the teachers, the piers that are there to guide and nurture the students who FAILED accountable.

I hope in the stand they took at the risk of their own lives that Brendan and Gary made a difference.

Hidden by Tomas Mournian

Hidden by Tomas Mournian

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Why are children born and a parent(s) are unable to accept the child and love them unconditionally. Don't take this the wrong was and not all parents are under my scrutiny, but the parents to the teens in this book are and I'm just speaking out loud, making myself heard regarding those parents that would be so cold and commit the most heinous of crimes in my eyes: Sending them to a correctional facility.

This is what happens to Ahmed. He's the one telling this story. In first person. Read about how he was yanked from his own bed. How he's tossed into this facility where the torture and torments have no limits. Neither does the brain washing these children are subjected to. Why? Because these teens are not what their parents expect of their own children to be after they've brought them into this world where it's confusing, acceptance is everything and you must be and act appropriately or else...

Because they're queer.

Ahmed escapes when the opportunity arises and brought to a safe house for other teens who have been in the same situation as Ahmed who will alter his name to conceal his identity. He will tell you about his experiences of his journey. Read about other teens he meets and interacts with. His near brush with almost getting caught and the extremes others will do to assist him with freedom till his is able to be free when he turns 18.

The ghetto lingo can make the story tricky and challenging some to follow, but don't let that deter you from reading an excellent YA story. I was too caught up in the events of this story to care.

The author notes that he would write more on Ahmed if requested. Well... I'm dayum well begging for it. The ending didn't finalize it for me and I'm feeling left with needing closure.

Two thumbs up for this one!

Naked in the Rain & Afterglow by Eowyn Wood

Naked in the Rain by Eowyn Wood

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

First book to Afterglow.

Afterglow by Eowyn Wood

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

My review is late in coming, but I had to wrap my head around this story and come to terms with first, but now you have it.

First off this book which follows Naked in The Rain has a shitload of content advisorys that should be seriously taken into consideration.

Everything you can ultimately imagine occurs on this book which might not be appropriate to some readers such as: Pedophiles, rape, minor underage prostitutes. There's details on a suicide attempt. The use and abuse of drugs using different methods. There's acts of violence, S&M, BDSM and you will also read content of interactions such as M/M, M/M/M, M/F AND M/M/F/F between adults and underage minors.

I'm safe to probate I've covered all the bases regarding the books contents to those of you who haven't read read this 2 book set. I came across many unsavory and distasteful scenes. Factory in the children's involvement as being such. Aside from that, the story is intriguing and will have you glued to your seat, eager to turn page after page and get it read if at all possible in one sitting. I managed getting through both books in 3 days total. I was glued and became unglued with the acts, events and story in and of itself.

Secondly, in the second book the author makes a note that this book may stand alone. Perhaps, but for the full effect to enjoying this daramatic story I do highly recommend reading Dancing In The Rain first.

Lastly my thoughts: Eowyn, does an excellent job with these books. She takes you into a world that you don't want believe exists and true these ones are fiction, but to an extent it is out there and very real. It's sad, heartbreaking and depressing what these boys contend with under the control of grown men who have power, gain, and it's their way of catering to the world of pedophiles under what they deem a controlled environment making the almighty buck in the process. The books are also about love, devotion and heartbreak.

I completely and utterly shocked myself to reading this, but not turning the last page that ends the stories without mental scarring.

My review although it seems like I'm trying to defer you from reading this is not so. If you can get past all the negatives aspects I urge you to read it. It's exquisitely well written, vividly detailed and an exception to the rule of being mint.

I haven't seen another book yet from Eowyn, but I'll be vigilly on the lookout for more to come and hope she will write more. Note: When you buy the books from the author's website she autographs the books personally. A bonus right there.

A Song for Today

I have quite a few reviews to be posted and I've been lax latley, but rest assured they will go up this weekend so stay tuned.

Till then... Enjoy this song.