I. Want. One!

June 2012

     Sorry everyone for not being on here but we have been busy with the birth of our daughter on Father's Day and all. She weighed in at 8 lbs 2 oz, 20" long. She looks just like her daddy from the black hair to the gyspy blood and the Native American heritage. She was born at 12:38 EST. If we had left any later then she would have been born at home which would have been funny but not as funny as if she was born on the side of the highway and seeing her daddy play catch lol. He gave the most beautiful name Kitiara Tatiana. She is our beginning and of royalty :) Natural childbirth SUCKS big time!!! So fellas before you give your ladies any grief and start to make moo sounds and all just remember when the time comes for them to give birth make sure that they don't grab a certain part of your atanomy *winks wickedly*
     Our Kitty is going to be a very special little girl not to mention she will be a very gifted child as well. She is already daddy's little girl not to mention she already has him wrapped around her pinkie. We just can't wait to finally get her home where she belongs. Will try to post a pic of our Kitty as soon as poss :)

The Isn't The End by Skylit Drive

Lyrics:
Starting off to face the day
Seconds away from a life with endless...
Torment my mind with the thoughts of a beginning
To show you just what I feel
To decipher what is real

There's just so much to be said
So much is running through my head
In a time staggered on the end
Maybe now can we pretend?

For a second I felt so brave
Flowing through fault lines
Wearing on my mind
Weathering
Pulsating
Technicalities set you off the stage and when you see me now and then
There will be no exchange of hands
Scratch the plans

There's just so much to be said
So much is running through my head
In a time staggered on the end
Maybe now can we pretend?

This isn't the end

There's just so much to be said
So much is running through my head
In a time staggered on the end
Maybe now can we pretend?

Niggling wiggle in my mind....

Raiden:

As I came onto FB after, finally, a good day both   physically and mentally I seen something that brought a wiggling unusually rational thought to mind.... How complacent, yes I said that exact word, we have become as a whole to just how far we as a PRIDE supporting world have become.

Case in point:

On FB a damn good friend of mine put up a share of this flag supporting the month. Even in reading the originators comments and my friend's I saw there were people who either put down the poster for not stating a full support of all sexual types or that its supporting the victimizing and division of gays/lez/Bi/trans gender/ect.. Or worse that its based on the cultural edict that we should be ashamed. 

Yes I said it, ASHAMED. 

Well... I wanted to share my response to that. Not for ups or anything... but because the true reasoning needs to get out there and be remembered for what it really is for. 

The past, why's, and continuance... 

If you disagree, so be it, but get that in today's society if people think these things; and yes there are many that do; then we are hurting and regressing right back into that dead-bolted shell we've spent decades and longer crawling out of. - Especially since the hateful comments came from actual gay and lesbian Fb'ers. ~ oooh yaaah... 

My response: 

(starting off from the comment on Pride's encouraging victimization and division of homosexuals, and a comment on Pride based on being ashamed.)

Dunno about that, it may make us stand apart, but being that Pride has been a bridge to bring out those that before could never even think to admit or speak and wave their flag of who they really are, I think personally its a damn good thing. It and other acts like Pride have opened eyes and doors to change our culture in so many ways most, now days, forget where and how it was back in the day. 

Think on how many singers and artists, athletes and actors, major movers and shakers had to hide and fake relationships just to get by. Remember just what it was like for some joe back in high school or regular dude or chick on a job when people found out. They'ed end up beaten, outcasted, or worse dead. How many suicides... that was a different world. 

Now days we find out and cheer or roll eyes and mutter, 'knew that' or like 'daaamn, there went my wet dream. Its almost nothing... Sure sure there are bad apples out there, but the percentage is dropping drastically.(*coughs* even in the 'bible belt - not in the note) All of that bag of major hot cheetos is due to things like PRIDE and working hard to put the 'its safe' image out there. 

Just like all the links and vids dedicated to gay or lesbian teens. I personally have 2 right now and you know what? One has a ma who is so apposed to it she went postal on the kid's older sister for coming out a few yrs back. Back when it was only midiocre to come out and be strong about it. Back when they started the teen vids. Now my little niece is coming out like her sister, but as Bi and that sweet thing is standing so strong she's almost ready for whatever gets thrown at her by her ma and like haters. 

She's 12, and that's showing just how much change has come. That she feels safe to be her and strong enough to battle whatever as she grows. 

- I know this is long... but sometimes we get blinders as we look at the new and safer world that is around us; our gay waiter wearing pink or moving with flare, the major film hotty kissing her girlfriend the deep throat on national tv, shows about fams with gay marriages and weddings while adopting, heck cop shows like SVU doing SLs on gay or lez rape and we as a whole feel so strong there are a million FEEL BADS and DAAAMNS by "normals" in under a minute via comments all over the boards carrying it and the actual station... 

Remember back, everyone, its a whole new world forming around us, and what was lost this year in the battle for equality will be won in yrs to come. Blood sweat and tears back the whole why and flaring flag on PRIDE. 

*****

So... in closing, remember and embrace it. I may not be one of the chosen, but I have a ton in my family and friends, obviously, and I totally do embrace and support. Its no different than being black, Am. Indian, hispanic.. a purple spotted green alien from varuka 10. Equality is Equality. Every man woman and child deserves the same respect. 

... and those in the life or skin shouldn't throw stones, all you do is hurt yourselves. 

Black Rose: Diary of a Teen

Black Rose: Diary of a Teen by Jacob Mederin

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Hate, violence, homophobia, pedophilia, incest, and rape, are all things that blacken this young boy's earliest years. However, buried under such sinister events, is a beautiful story of young gay teenage love, and it's struggle to survive in the midst of all this chaos. Black Rose is printed untouched and unedited in it's entirety, in the teenager's exact words.


 
The short summary above of the book should prepare you for the content of it. I located this book on amazon while browsing for potential reads in the YA genre and snagged it up, but without realizing how it would completely absorb me and have me strung out for days. I'm going to give the warning that this one is HEA in any shape or form so be reading when and if you decide to tackle it.

Eddie's few years of life are told by him in first person within his diary are very emotional, not uplifting and very distressful. My mind is cracked between liking this book and hating it. It's a very fine line and barrier that you as the read will come to your own conclusion on.

After having read this extremely traumatic story I want to OD on antidepressants for the simple enough reason that it's dark and foreboding in every sense of the word. The combination of cruelty, scenes of rape, abuse, battery and substance abuse is fawking overwhelming and all wrapped up into the pages of this short book.

As you can see by my review it's not a light read by any means, but rather very heavy. From the first page you start reading, be ready for the roller-coaster ride of Eddie's days of torment, loss of love, having no hope and finding a way out of it all in order to cope with the hand that life has dealt him. A heavy blow. The injustice throughout that one boy has to face is incomprehensible, disbelieving, but it's the story it is.

I was moved to tears constantly by the sorrow, the trauma, the hurt that could be felt coming out of the words written within his diary on the daily accounts that Eddie has documented. I won't deny that it's been 4 days since I've read the book and I'm still distressed and distraught when thinking about it, hence the reason I procrastinated on writing up this review. With a heavy heart at that.

The author did an exceptional job with this book, but I have to wonder and ask myself how they themselves got through with writing this one.

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