ENDGAME by Nancy Garden

Endgame by Nancy Garden
My rating: 5 of 5 stars




Summary:  A new town, a new school, a new start. That's what fourteen-year-old Gray Wilton believes as he chants, "It's gonna be better, gonna be better here." But it doesn't take long for Gray to realize that nothing's going to change--there are bullies in every school, and he's always their punching bag. Their brutal words, physical abuse, and emotional torture escalate until Gray feels trapped in a world where he has no control, no support systems, and no way out--until the day he enters the halls of Greenford High School with his father's semiautomatic in hand.

Award-winning novelist Nancy Garden, author of the groundbreaking novel Annie on My Mind, once again goes out on a limb, this time to show readers the cruelty of bullying and the devastating effects it can have.

MY Review:

Have you ever had your heart beat so hard in your chest that you could swear it was going to burst out of its cavity or you felt it down to yours toes with every thump, thump? That's what I endured reading this book. My heart goes out to Gray. My opinion. My words. My review.

I just wished books of this nature could make a big difference in the world, but can a leopard change it spots or a zebra change its stripes? Thought not.

MY in-depth thoughts on this book are as follows:

Yes, there were innocent victims in this book I don’t dispute this one bit, but i agree to disagree with those who want to point the finger at the accused without taking into clear consideration all the facts and the events before and during the time of the ‘incident’. My sincere sympathy lay with Gray the one boy of 14yrs old that one day just took matters into his own hands and SNAPPED!

Do I believe that the events that took place could have been prevented from happening? You bet I do!

It comes to the full on facts that everyone in Gray’s life failed him.

His father? FAIL

The student body? FAIL

Teachers and piers? FAIL

What Gray was subjected to in his life and not just at school was handled very poorly. Did he have anyone really to turn to? Well, let’s see...

There was the school counsellor, but she just cared more that every student ‘like’ school and be ‘happy’ while being there.

There were the teachers who thoughts the antics of bullying were ‘amusing’.

His father or his mother? He left a bad acidic taste in my mouth regarding his ‘fatherly’ methods as a parent. Well, the father ruled the roost, the mother only accomplished so much say.

Friends? He did have ONE who turned on him in the end. Mind you, said friend did try to report the bullying incidents and the results were basically ‘suck it up’. Not worth reporting really and this was the school principal.

Gray pours his heart out to this lawyer that his own father had hired and i have to wonder... Did this lawyer, even after Gray gave every single detail of what led up to that fateful moment do him justice in the court room? Hmm I do wonder, but now let’s take it to the courtroom: The judge...

1.      I honestly believe the sentence handed out was to appease the victim’s families.

2.      Was it even considered by this judge that Gray was a ‘victim’ himself due to the insistent and consistent cruel and brutal taunting and bullying he’d endured?

3.      Was this judge really give a rat’s ass about the alleged accused shooter? What about future treatment do deal with Gray’s trauma? Nope. It didn’t happen.

4.      Even at trial the justice system failed Gray.

NOTE to judge: You shouldn’t be one. You don’t deserve to be sitting on that bench. YOU sir ARE in my very clear words: A FAILURE! I bet the Almighty justice ‘system’ only brought down the sentence using Gray as a means to setting an example to all teens who choose to pick up a gun. Really? What about those who continue to harass and bully those lesser than themselves?

Lemme take a stab at what a bully might think, but you tell me is it logical to say: The bullying will continue because you see, if I bully you, you’ll just snap one day and do something drastic. I might lose my life or maybe not, but I the bully will get the last laugh because you’ll be caught, arrested unless you’ve off’d yourself first and serve life in prison without parole. You get me? HOW PATHETIC IS THIS??!! But think about it folks: It’s the truth and the cold hard facts. Bullying

R.I.P. Amanda Todd

Amanda Todd: Teenager Who Had Chronicled Her Bullying On YouTube Commits Suicide

Amanda Todd posted a heartbreaking video on YouTube five weeks ago detailing her battle with online harassment and bullies. I've posted the video below. But this 15-year-old young girl gave in to the battle and committed suicide. Amanda hung herself on Wednesday October 10, 2012. 

I don't watch TV because I'd rather read, but when I was shown this vid I was angry, very saddened and in tears that another innocent has been taken by the angels to a place where the cruelty, the pain, the bullying will never touch her EVER. A place that's Eternal, but not among us. A place on earth that should have treated her with compassion, experienced first love, solid friendships and lived a good long life. 

The video below describes her experiences with bullying. The video was posted to YouTube about a month ago by Amanda Todd. Amanda was a Grade 10 student at CABE Secondary in Coquitlam, British Columbia, Canada.

Original description:

I'm struggling to stay in this world, because everything just touches me so deeply. I'm not doing this for attention. I'm doing this to be an inspiration and to show that I can be strong. I did things to myself to make pain go away, because I'd rather hurt myself then someone else. Haters are haters but please don't hate, although I'm sure I'll get them. I hope I can show you guys that everyone has a story, and everyone's future will be bright one day, you just gotta pull through. I'm still here aren't I ?

Video Published on September 7, 2012

 R.I.P Amanda Todd - November 27, 1996- October 10, 2012

WHO DAT?

Don't ask, don't tell.

As some of you may have noticed... my ultimate change in profile pic. Well guess what? It's the REAL me. I know some of you have had reserves on posting your real self, for your own personal reasons and guess what? I truly respect that, but in the past I've used other pics that were not actually me and I've been slapped for it by some who I thought were actually friends. Now it seems thanks to a post by a true friend who made awareness to it, that if you use a pic of a real 'person' without their express permission you can get slapped with a hefty lawsuit by the said person who claims ownership to that photo of them. I take that seriously. Although the picture I had used in the past I was permitted to use it since they are a friend of mine and I'm not stupid as to NOT ask first. It wasn't with intent to use another's photo, but I tried to hide thinking no one would accept me for who I really am.

It's seems that no matter how well you treat others or even how good, generous and considerate you are it all means SHIT when you get down to the fine brass knuckles. It's never what's on the inside that counts no matter what people alternately tell you, but rather what's on the outside and your appearance is everything. I've lost ones I thought were TRUE friends over it and I'm not going to put up with it anymore and I'm not going to hide anymore. Not for YOU and not for ANYONE. Life is too short! You know what really makes me laugh though? It's those that want to throw the death stones at you or be the first to throw you under the bus? They are GUILTY themselves of doing what I was accused of by them. How ironic. Does that mean I can be the first to throw the stones of blame back? Alas I'm not that cruel and I don't believe in vengeance. I prefer to walk away and never look back with my middle finder pointed high to the sky as I walk on and forward. Been there, done that and I've moved on to more shallow waters. I for one have nothing to hide. ANYMORE. Never did really, but that's then and this is now and que sera, sera.

In the coming future of blog posts there's more I'm going to Show and Tell. Gradually. All in stride I say! Those of you who stood and stand by me cause they didn't care? Bless everyone of you. Your heart is truly pure to me. I don't take friendship for granted or lightly and I'm there when needed. :nods:

Hope everyone is having a great weekend! Cause I am sans the heat I would more if it would just Go Away! 

CIAO!

One Two Three, Shatter by Joey James Hook

One Two Three, Shatter by Joey James Hook

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I just finished this book and needed to get this review down now in writing before whatever I needed to say on it passed me by and I'd miss out on some pretty pertinent facts in how to express myself and this story.

Whew! Can I say that I first groaned when I noticed the story is 752 pages long? But would you believe me when I say that when I reached the last page of the story with: The End that I wanted more!

There's no doubt that there is M/F and M/M and I shocked even myself on reading it. In the norm world of reading as you'll see in my bookshelf that everything is M/M, but I gave it a shot. The beginning of the story is all M/F but keep patient and that patience will pay of to being M/M. Hell, just skip the sex scenes if you must, but you must check out this book if you're not to squeamish over the sensitive content to some of you readers.

The story starts from the time Kaleb is 4 years old up until he's 32 for my calculations. There's a whole clusterfawk of shit in his life and I'm surprised that it ended the way it had.

His mother walks out on him right from the getgo at the beginning of the story, promising to return for him, but doesn't. Everything in his life goes to shit from that point on. His father and older brother continually abuse him both physical, mentally and sexually. Yeah you read that last word right. They are pricks, but justice is served against the bastards. The abuse will continue till Kaleb is about 15 when he takes off.

You'll read how he battles a life of drug and alcohol addiction. He self mutilates to keep in controls and he's quite self distructive, but that's the the character he's portrayed to being in this story. You'll read about his first girlfriend, then his second one who gives him a daughter, a child he wants no part of and finally the one man that steals his heart and teaches him what love is all about.

You'll get so frustrated as hell by Kaleb's cold heart and his attitude, but having known about his past in reading about it you'll get the why. I could have shaken him with my anger at times, I could have cried for him and the injustice of what life served him and I wanted to laugh with his blunt sarcasm and telling you the way it is, no bullshitting around.

Joey, the author, wrote one hellova a book here that deserves the rating I gave it. Perhaps more and I hope this review does the book some justice although, maybe not, but I can only cut it to the best of my ability as a reviewer.

I'm def posting this to my blog and I'm hitting up his next book Phoenix to see if it meets the same high standards I've met with this one.

Two thumbs up on the way!

View all my reviews

Little Boy Lost series by J.P. Barnaby

Wow! Very intense...

Every book will take you through the story of Jamie and Brian. From the tender age of teenagers till the very end and I don't want to give anything away because you really need to read this series to see for yourself.

J.P. did an epic job with this story and in every six of them. I did wait till all the books came out to read them all in sequence without missing a heartbeat and I sure as hell am glad that I had. The way he ends one book is the way the next will continue and so on and so forth. I've read a few books that were series by other authors that I enjoy and adore and I can assure you that this series now ranks up the top with the rest.

These two boys go so through so dayum much and you get to go along for the ride. The books are first person. The first two books are in Brian's POV and the last four are Jamie's POV although there was a part there that I wish it was in Brian's POV cause I honestly wanted to know what was going through his head and for a fact what the heck was he thinking!

I really wished that their stories and the story didn't come to and end in book six but as all good things they must...

A highly recommend series to read! 

Below I've placed them in order with a short summary of what each book entails. 

All the books can be found and bought at Dreamspinner Press. Just follow this link: 

http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/index.php?cPath=55_395

ENJOY!!

 My rating for each of the books: My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Book 1: Enlightened

Little Boy Lost is the story of Brian McAllister, the boy next door.

Brian goes to school, does his homework, and helps his foster parents around the house. Brian also has a secret: he is in love with his best friend, Jamie. But in Crayford, Alabama, being in love with another boy is the worst kind of sin.

Brian and Jamie will discover just how deep their emotional bond runs, and at what cost. What will they do if their secret is discovered? From fumbling through their first sexual experiences to hiding all aspects of their relationship from everyone in their lives, Brian and Jamie battle for the one thing that is truly theirs—love.

Book 2: Abandoned

Jamie is gone.Brian's secret has been revealed.Brian McAllister's story continues as he tries to cope with the loss of his best friend and soul mate amid the alienation and ridicule of his classmates. When hatred turns to violence, Brian narrows his focus to two goals: surviving and finding Jamie. Along the way he meets Adam, whose life has also been shattered by violence and cruelty. Can Adam fill the hole in Brian's life left by Jamie's absence? The answer will change everything.

 

Book 3: Vanished

 Brian McAllister’s story continues in San Diego, where he finds so much more than he ever expected: acceptance, friends, encouragement, and an entire world of sexual adventure he’d never dared to imagine back in his small Alabama town. He continues to search for one lost boy in a sea of humanity but slowly begins to realize that maybe dreams really don’t come true.

Encouraged by new friends Mike and Emilio, Brian struggles to find work and keep his spirits up while his hope of finding Jamie starts to falter. But when life comes crashing down, he’s desperate to keep his new life. Can Brian do the unthinkable to remain in California when his money runs out? When Brian meets a beaten and bruised boy no one seems willing to help, he knows that walking away is no longer an option.

 

 

Book 4: Discovered

 Little Boy Lost is the story of Jamie Mayfield, a golden-haired fallen angel. Dumped into a gay rehab center and shunned by his parents, the once-adored son of small-minded, small town people has had to find his own way in life.

Jamie is astonished and dismayed when Brian McAllister, the boy he knows is the other half of his soul, explodes back into his precarious life. In the nearly two years they’ve been apart, not a day has gone by that Jamie hasn’t thought of Brian, no matter how hard surviving has been. How can Jamie protect Brian from the pain and brutalization in his life when he can’t even protect himself? Brian and Jamie will put every bit of themselves into saving each other, but Steven O’Dell isn’t the only obstacle keeping the boys apart. Jamie’s own self-hatred may prove to be their undoing.

 

Book 5: Escaped

Finally together, Brian McAllister and Jamie Mayfield have risked everything in a desperate escape. Jamie is now free of his tormentor, Steven O’Dell... for the moment. But Brian and Jamie know that one wrong choice could lead Steven to their door.

With the strength of Brian and his friends to protect him, Jamie hides and finds the one person he is truly afraid of—himself. The long, lonely hours in the place Leo found for them to stay leave Jamie with nothing to do but think. He thinks about Brian, about the direction their lives should take. He thinks about his parents, about the industry he left behind. Mostly, though, he thinks about drugs. Jamie wants to feel good again, forget about his self-hatred, and stop the gnawing cravings that prey upon his mind and body even as he tries to start a new life with Brian.

One moment of weakness may prove to be fatal for them both.

Book 6: Sacrificed

Brian and Jamie’s epic journey comes to a close in this thrilling conclusion to the Little Boy Lost series

Reunited with his father but missing the one man he loves more than any other, Jamie Mayfield attempts to put his life back together amid rehab, seizures, and the gutting loneliness of Brian’s rejection. As he tries to cope, Jamie finds that relying on his friends isn’t nearly as difficult as he’d imagined, and soon he can once again stand on his own two feet.

While recovering from his addiction, Jamie starts a new phase of his life at college, working to become the man Brian needs him to be. Only one question remains: Can Jamie earn Brian’s forgiveness and win back his trust, or will their love be sacrificed at the altar of Jamie’s demons?

To Save A Life

My blog title is also the title to the movie I just got finished watching. I'll post the official site, the synopsis on what the movie is about along with a trailer, then I'll end it with my own review and commentary on the movie. 

Synopsis

Jake Taylor has it all: friends, fame, a basketball scholarship and the hottest girl in school. Roger Dawson has nothing. Although the two were best friends when they were kids, the politics of high school quickly pulled them apart. Roger doesn't fit in with anyone and he's had enough. He walks onto campus with a gun in his pocket and pain in his heart and makes a tragic move. Jake's last ditch effort can't stop Roger, and the sudden tragedy rocks Jake's world. In a quest for answers, Jake finds himself looking for the next Roger and reaching out to the outcasts and loners. He quickly finds that crossing class castes threatens all his world is built on and it could cost him his own friends, his dreams and even his reputation.

 

 

 

Official website: http://tosavealifemovie.com/index.php 

 

My view on this movie:

 

To me the movie was very emotional because I could relate to it. I've been there a time, or two when you felt everything was just hopeless and the world doesn't seem to have a place in it for you. 

 

I was inspired by the movie in such a way that the word is out there more than ever these days, unlike it was in past times. We didn't hear much about suicide whether it was a teen or otherwise. I send my judgment on that to ignorance. Suicide was like a sin. Families didn't want to talk about it, people in general didn't want to talk about it. They turned the blind eye because the gods help us if someone committed suicide well... There must be a defect in the family and OMFG could it be contagious? Is this something that could go down to another family member of the next generation or the one following that? FAWKTARDS! That's my answer. 

 

LIFE! That's what it boils down to. Everyone wants to be accepted for who there are and no matter what walk of life they are. Everyone gets lonely, but like it's shown in this move it can show what being different, not being part of the IT crowd or the most popular one, even rejected can lead to. It's extreme, but it's out there, and it's alive like a living breathing virus without a cure until it's TOO LATE.

 

The actors that portray the characters is this movie do one hellova job. The movie is very heartfelt and it's sentimental for me in many ways. 

I do warn you on the sensitive matter such as teens getting intoxicated, there's 'cutting', there's your emo and a group of outcasts. It's all there for your viewing pleasure. 

Although I really liked and enjoyed this movie it held one aspect of it which I wasn't too fond of. The story involved God and the church. I know this comment isn't going to hit a sore spot with some of you reading this blog post, but I'm putting it out there. Awright, so I'm Roman Catholic, I've gone to Catholic school and all that yadda, yadda. I do believe there's something out there, but don't ask me if there's a God per say because I'm not a holy believer. I'm more spiritual than religious and I do digress that it's my upbringing, the preaching of going against the bible for who WE are to be wrong that has led me to seeing the hypocrisy of the church. I'm saying nothing more than this because everyone has their own beliefs and discussing religion is as touchy a subject as discussing politics. 

But hey, if it worked to throw religion into this movie than whatever floats their boat to who produced it. Different strokes for different folks and all that jazz. 

The BIG picture here and look outside of your little box is to bring awareness to teen suicide and that you're not alone and to seek help if you need it. Up so down with that and that's where I highly commend the producers of this film. 

'Nough said and I'm outta here. 

Laterz and enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Evil Children

I've been browsing a lot on Youtube these days and I'm going to blame it on the content in the books I've been reading lately. It's not music related I can assure you of the that. It's all young adult and it varies from child abuse to kids who have committed crimes. There's been activity lately that's struck very close to home on kids wielding guns and weapons, the bullying that's been apparent and there's no reason for it. I guess like most of us we question it and want to know what the reason's would be behind it. What causes a child to act the way they do towards another and who or what is to blame? 

Is it their family upbringing? 

How they're treated at home? 

Society? 

Medications that they are on which has that impact of chemical imbalance spiraling to their brain that would cause them to act out?

The parents?

The piers in the child's life?

The list of questions goes on and on, but I don't think we'll ever know the answer cause each child and case scenario is completely different. Some we never know! 

I watched this documentary last night called Bowling for Columbine. Michael Moore tackles America's obsession with firearms in this Oscar-winning documentary that examines the Columbine High School shootings. Very interesting to watch and it's avail on Netflix. Moore examines this not only in the US but also dwells into Canada and compares the stats of shootings and looks closely into the kids toting guns.

Then I watched Generation RX. Another damn good one about Filmmaker Kevin P. Miller who offers this unflinching examination of the unsettling trend in the American medical establishment toward prescribing powerful psychiatric drugs for children more often -- and at a younger age -- than ever before. Families devastated by the consequences of over-medication share their stories, and doctors, ethicists and other medical professionals weigh in on whether pharmaceutical companies put profits before patients.

I'll end this with a vid I found and want to share.

Take care folks. Till next time.

 

STOP Child abuse!

The picture gets my point across and so does the video which contains content that might rather sensitive to some viewers. But without getting the awareness of it all out there WHO is going to stop it from happening if everyone was to remain ignorant and not speak up for the innocent. 

I wasn't an abused child, but at the hands of another MY kid was. I did everything in my power to put a stop to it because I spoke out. He's a teenager now, but I will ALWAYS be there still to protect him. Stand up for not just your child, but also for all other mistreated innocents.

Black Rose: Diary of a Teen

Black Rose: Diary of a Teen by Jacob Mederin

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Hate, violence, homophobia, pedophilia, incest, and rape, are all things that blacken this young boy's earliest years. However, buried under such sinister events, is a beautiful story of young gay teenage love, and it's struggle to survive in the midst of all this chaos. Black Rose is printed untouched and unedited in it's entirety, in the teenager's exact words.


 
The short summary above of the book should prepare you for the content of it. I located this book on amazon while browsing for potential reads in the YA genre and snagged it up, but without realizing how it would completely absorb me and have me strung out for days. I'm going to give the warning that this one is HEA in any shape or form so be reading when and if you decide to tackle it.

Eddie's few years of life are told by him in first person within his diary are very emotional, not uplifting and very distressful. My mind is cracked between liking this book and hating it. It's a very fine line and barrier that you as the read will come to your own conclusion on.

After having read this extremely traumatic story I want to OD on antidepressants for the simple enough reason that it's dark and foreboding in every sense of the word. The combination of cruelty, scenes of rape, abuse, battery and substance abuse is fawking overwhelming and all wrapped up into the pages of this short book.

As you can see by my review it's not a light read by any means, but rather very heavy. From the first page you start reading, be ready for the roller-coaster ride of Eddie's days of torment, loss of love, having no hope and finding a way out of it all in order to cope with the hand that life has dealt him. A heavy blow. The injustice throughout that one boy has to face is incomprehensible, disbelieving, but it's the story it is.

I was moved to tears constantly by the sorrow, the trauma, the hurt that could be felt coming out of the words written within his diary on the daily accounts that Eddie has documented. I won't deny that it's been 4 days since I've read the book and I'm still distressed and distraught when thinking about it, hence the reason I procrastinated on writing up this review. With a heavy heart at that.

The author did an exceptional job with this book, but I have to wonder and ask myself how they themselves got through with writing this one.

View all my reviews

Luka Rocco Magnotta wanted

Male model and bisexual porn star Luka Magnotta.

When a suspicious package arrived at Conservative Party headquarters on Tuesday, Jenni Byrne, the party’s political director, took it upon herself to open it. The foot was inside, and there was a terrible smell, which was profoundly disturbing for everyone.

Byrne called the police, who came and took the package. Journalists soon made the link to a maggoty torso that was discovered in a suitcase in a garbage pile in Montreal.

Police traced the bar code on the package, and discovered a second package at a postal sorting station in Ottawa, containing a left hand, that was bound for the Liberal Party of Canada’s headquarters, just a few blocks from the Conservative Party.

By Wednesday afternoon, Montreal police had found an incredibly gory scene in a blood-soaked Montreal apartment and were able to put out a Canada-wide warrant for Luka Magnotta, a former gay porn performer who was born in Scarborough, Ont., in 1982 with the name Eric Clinton Newman.

Magnotta is alleged — by animal lovers who tracked him in a Facebook group — to have previously posted four videos of himself torturing and killing kittens. Killing animals is often a first step for serial killers before they turn to people.

He appears to have posted on Friday what looks like a horrible video of a man murdering, sexually assaulting and dismembering a young man. Police have not confirmed that it’s the victim in question. I don’t advise you to watch the video.

Internet amateur detectives who enjoy looking at gory videos and commenting on them tentatively identified him as the same guy who killed the kittens.

Apparently, he is a former friend of convicted serial killer Karla Homolka, who has been free from prison since 2005, in spite of her conviction in connection with the murders of three teenage girls, including her sister, in the 1990s.

Unlike Homolka’s husband and partner in crime, Paul Bernardo, who didn’t want to be discovered, the perpetrator in this case appears to be motivated by a desire for attention, which he is now receiving from a rapt media.

By mailing body parts to political parties, the suspect guaranteed that he would be the focus of intense media interest in Canada and around the world.

Like Anders Behring Breivik, the Norwegian psycho who killed 77 people in a publicity-seeking killing spree, this killer wants us to pay attention to him. And we don’t really have any choice, do we?

We are fascinated by serial killers. From Jack the Ripper to Russell Williams, stories about pleasure killers strikes a chord in us, because they touch on our powerful unconscious fear of death and the darkest corners of the human mind.

Magnotta has left a wide trail on the Internet, drawing attention to himself however he could.

He did a mawkish interview with the Toronto Sun in 2007, complaining that he had been unfairly linked to Homolka.

In 2009, he wrote a blog post on how to erase your traces and disappear completely, which suggests, creepily enough, it might not be easy for the police to find him.

In December of 2010, he appears to have posted his first (really, really horrible) kitten video, followed by another one a year later.

In March of this year, he appears to have launched a blog, entitled Necrophiliac Serial Killer Luka Magnotta, in which he confesses to a sexual desire for corpses.

“I don’t see myself as some creepy pervert,” he wrote. “I’m just somebody who has feelings, real feelings, for dead men.”

From the glamour shots he used to spread about to his macabre blog from this spring, you can trace his electronic footprints.

I don’t think we benefit from paying close attention to people like Magnotta, Bernardo and Williams. I don’t think they tell us much about the human condition, but we can’t look away.

Luka Magnotta wanted our attention. I wish we could turn away, and not reward him by giving him what he wants, but we won’t.

'Daddy!,' homeless man cries as cops fatally beat him

WHAT THE FAWK IS THE MATTER WITH PEOPLE!!! 

What is the world coming to? Is there any good left. Makes you wonder if it's worth living. 

I saw this on the news today while reading my book. This heartless act sickens me and I cried for the helpless victim who this happened to. In my opinion I hope the 2 cops fry. This is one story I will follow and I hope justice is served. You expect the 'police' to be those that protect you, but who really feels that protection when something like this occurs. This video I'm posting has HIGHLY sensitive material that is an ALERT if you chose to watch it. 

(CNN) -- A graphic video played at a hearing Monday to determine whether two California police officers should stand trial in the beating death of a homeless man showed them kicking and punching the mentally ill man as he lay on the ground -- screaming in pain and begging for help.

The victim, Kelly Thomas, died five days after the beating on July 5.

Manuel Ramos, a 10-year veteran of the Fullerton, California, police department, is charged with second-degree murder and involuntary manslaughter, while Cpl. Jay Patrick Cicinelli faces charges of involuntary manslaughter and felony use of excessive force in the same case.

Both have pleaded not guilty.

The black-and-white video was played during a preliminary hearing for the two officers.

It begins with Thomas -- a 37-year-old homeless man with schizophrenia -- sitting and being told by Ramos to put his feet out and hands on his knees.

The officers were responding to a call about a homeless man looking into car windows and pulling on handles of parked cars.

In the video, Thomas is slow to cooperate.

Ramos then tells him: "You see my fists? They're getting ready to f--- you up."

Thomas, who is unarmed and shirtless, stands and another officer walks over. They hit him with their batons and hold him on the ground as he begs for help.

"Ok, I'm sorry, dude. I'm sorry!" he screams. At one point, Thomas says he can't breathe. The officers tell him to lie on his stomach, put his hands behind his back and relax.

"Ok, here, here, dude, please!" he says.

Other officers arrive.

At times, trees block the view of the camera and it's not always clear who is doing what as officers pile on top of Thomas.

One uses a Taser stun gun.

Thomas cries out for help and. toward the end of the beating, for his father: "Dad! Help me. Help me. Help me, dad."

His voice gets softer and trails off.

By the end of the video, he is lying in a pool of blood as the officers wonder out loud what to do next.

One can be heard saying: "We ran out of options so I got to the end of my Taser and I ... smashed his face to hell."

Thomas suffered brain injuries, facial fractures, rib fractures, and extensive bruising and abrasions, according to prosecutors.

The Orange County coroner listed his manner of death as a homicide and said he died after having his chest compressed, leaving him unable to breathe.

The FBI is investigating possible civil rights violations in his case.

Six Fullerton officers, including Ramos and Cicinelli, were put on paid leave after his death. The case drew widespread attention to the police department of Fullerton, located about 25 miles southeast of downtown Los Angeles.

BULLY

This is something I support 100% I'm not sure what's on everyone's agenda for this weekend, but I sure as heck know what's on mine. 

Coming out this Friday, here, is a documentary in the theaters called Bully. I've rounded up a posse of teens and hauling their arse to see the flick with me. Even IF I have to pay for their film myself you can bet I'm not taking NO for an answer. But their ARE interested in seeing it and I got no fuss or lip about it. I think it should be seen by kids and adults alike. 

Awhile back I did a post on Mitchel if you recall. An 11 year old sweet boy that committed suicide because of just this: bullying. Update is that this boy that got charged? It went to court, but the outrage is that just because Mitchel was not ALIVE to testify against this kid, well... the kid was left off scott free with just a warning. BULLSHIT? Totally agree. 

Below I'm putting a vid that's the the official trailer to this movie. I encourage you if your not ignorant to this bullying epidemic to go see the movie yourself. And from what I heard on the reviews in our local news... bring loads of the Kleenex. 

Eternal Peace

 While on my 2 weeks of recuperation I was contacted by one of the V.P's I work with who is also a good friend. Friends in high places I do have. Anyhow, my V.P of Finance and my boss his wife and mother to their 8 year old had lost her battle with cancer. A brain tumor that was irremovable completely and was diagnosed with having this for the last 5 years. Long time. 

It was inevitable and we all at the company I've been working at for going now on 8 years were well aware that this was happening and so I can say that I'm still quite in shock even though we all knew it was only a matter of time. But this is what hit me the most: Their 8 year old, Andrew, and yes that's his real name, kissed his mum and told her good-bye and I love you before leaving for school not knowing that this would be the last time he would be able to say those words and provide that sentiment to his dying mum. :wiping a tear: THAT'S what hit me the most. I don't feel you've told someone you love enough times or should ever feel you've said it to often because you never know if this will be the last time you'll ever have the opportunity to say it.    

I'm most likely attending the funeral and I will give the big guy my support and condolences to his family. I've known his wife having worked with her prior to falling under such a demise of brain cancer that I will truly say her never ending smiles and laughter will be truly missed. 

Now on to my Ramblings :shrugs: It's a day made just for it. 

So this gets me to thinking: You can't alter the past, but your words and actions of here and now can alter your future. What's done has been done, but why? In a temper tantrum? Out of anger? You feel you are wronged and you can't let bygones be bygones and just move on with life? I do admit that I have regrets from my past and I can't undo, but you can learn from them and do it differently going forward. So here it is: To those that I have wronged in any way shape or form? I'm completely sorry. To those that have befriended me and remain a part of my life to this day? I'm not sorry, but rather more than happy to have you a part of my life, therefore I just can't be sorry for something such as this. :winks:


I also ask myself this without rhyme or reason: 

• Why should trivial things matter?
• Why can't everyone just be who they want to be and love those they wish to love without being judged?
• Why is there hatred?
• Where's the freedom? 
• What's the point of war?
• Why can't everyone just get along?

So many questions that will forever go unanswered, but that the way my mind works and always will till my time on this earth has passed. 

Sometimes it really makes my head hurt! 

Back to planting my keester on the couch and settling down with a good book and of course I'm going to end this post with a song. Cause I wanna! 

CIAO!

The Tragic Story of Gwen Araujo

Fast Facts

• Full name: Gwen Amber Rose Araujo
  
  
• Born: February 24, 1985 
• Residence: Newark, California 
• Attackers: Michael Magidson, Jaron Nabors, Jose Merel, Jason Cazares

• Died October 4, 2002

• Former name:Edward Araujo, Jr.

• Fact: 

  Gwen Amber Rose Araujo (February 24, 1985 – October 4, 2002, née Edward Araujo, Jr.) was a transgendered teenager who died during or shortly after an attack by multiple individuals. The events leading up to Araujo's death were the subject of a pair of criminal trials in which it was alleged that the attackers were angered by the discovery that Araujo — who, at the time, was living as female — was biologically male. Two of the defendants were convicted of second-degree murder, but the jury concluded that no hate crime was committed; two other defendants pleaded guilty or no contest to voluntary manslaughter. The circumstances of the case have caused it to become a rallying point for the LGBT community, and a number of underreported and controversial aspects about the case and about Gwen's murder remain points of contention.  

  
  

  LIFE:  

  Araujo lived in Newark, California. Family members report that she was a happy and energetic child. She expressed the desire to be female from an early age and, just prior to her death, had started to live as a woman. Araujo attended public school and a local church with family members until she began to be ostracized for her sexual identity, at which time she began to withdraw socially. She stopped attending Newark Memorial High School prior to her graduation and began to look for work. She was unable to find a job, which her mother states was the result of intolerance created by her child's gradual transition between genders.

   

  DEATH:  
  Araujo, who was going by the name "Lida" at the time, was introduced to a circle of friends whom she met during a chance encounter while walking down a local street. The group of young adults enjoyed passing the evening hours with party activities that included playing dominos and consuming drugs and alcohol at the home of Araujo's to-be assailants. Araujo was reported to have engaged in sexual activities with at least two of the men from the group. A few weeks later, she was invited back to the house where a party was planned. She wore her mother's peasant blouse to the party, although her mother had asked her not to and expressed discomfort with Araujo's appearance. Araujo told her mother that she was just being jealous. This was the last time Sylvia Guerrero saw her child alive. 
  
   At the party on October 3, 2002 it was discovered, by forced inspection (conducted by a young man at the party), that Araujo had male genitalia. In an explosion of activity, the men that she had had sexual relations with became extremely agitated. Once it was discovered that Araujo was biologically male, Mike Magidson began choking her in the hallway of the house. At this point numerous guests left the residence. Jose Merel and Jaron Nabors remained inside the residence with Mike Magidson. Jason Cazares claimed to go outside at this point; however he did not leave because he had arrived in Mike Magidson's truck. After everyone left, the three assailants continued assaulting Araujo. She was brutally beaten for about 5 hours. Jose Merel struck her over the head with a frying pan and then struck again with a can of tomatoes, causing a gash to her head which bled profusely. Mike Magidson kneed her in the head against the living room wall, with such force that her head caused an indentation in the plaster wall. After this, Araujo was taken to the garage of the home and strangled with a rope. Most accounts have Jose Merel cleaning blood out of the carpet at the time she was strangled. She was then hog-tied, wrapped in a blanket and placed in the bed of a pick-up truck. The three assailants, plus Jason Cazares drove her body to parkland in El Dorado County, California, a wooded area in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada known as Silver Fork, where she was finally buried in a shallow grave. It is not clear at what point during this sequence of events Araujo's death occurred. However, the autopsy showed that she died from strangulation associated with blunt force trauma to the head.
  
  
  
  TRIAL:
  Nearly two weeks passed before Araujo's body was discovered by the authorities. For fear of reprisal, the partygoers did not report the crime and the assailants all agreed not to say a word to anyone about the matter. Later, however, Jaron Nabors began talking to a friend about what happened. The friend called the police and Jaron Nabors was later detained and questioned. Under interrogation, Jaron Nabors disclosed the location of Araujo's body. 
  
   Alameda County Sheriff's Office dispatched four crime scene investigators and two detectives who recovered the body at the gravesite. The deputies were led there on October 16, 2002 by Jaron Nabors, the youngest of the four individuals charged with the crime. The four accused of the murder were: Michael Magidson, 22, Jaron Nabors, 19, José Merél, 22 and Paul Merel, Jose's older brother. Paul Merel was quickly released because his girlfriend came forward to the police telling them that Paul had left that night with her. Paul Merel and his girlfriend were never charged and became witnesses for the prosecution. Nabors later testified against the other three in a deal with the DA for a lesser charge of manslaughter after police monitored a jailhouse letter and information gained during a wiretapped telephone conversation with one of the accused. Jason Cazares was arrested over a month after the other defendants, and only after Nabors implicated Cazares in a letter to Nabors' girlfriend, explaining how he (Nabors) wasn't involved in the killing.
  
  
  On December 16, 2005, pursuant to a plea agreement, Cazares entered a no contest plea to voluntary manslaughter with an agreed sentence of six years in prison. He will serve a little more than three years given his time in custody. He, along with Magidson and Merél, were formally sentenced on January 27, 2006. Nabors was sentenced to 11 years in prison, as his plea agreement indicated, on August 25, 2006.
  
  
  REMEMBERANCE:
  Araujo's mother, who referred to her child as her little "Angel", has said publicly that she would like her daughter's case to be influential in changing the disciplinary actions for hate crimes resulting in death to include the death penalty. Sylvia Guerrero and her brother David have appeared publicly and before national media to express their grief and to denounce violence against gender-variant youth.
  

  

  
   Araujo's mother, who referred to her child as her little "Angel", has said publicly that she would like her daughter's case to be influential in changing the disciplinary actions for hate crimes resulting in death to include the death penalty. Sylvia Guerrero and her brother David have appeared publicly and before national media to express their grief and to denounce violence against gender-variant youth. 
  
  
  At Araujo's mother's request, a judge posthumously changed Araujo's legal name from Eddie to Gwen on June 23, 2004.  
  
  A Lifetime Network Movie called A Girl Like Me: The Gwen Araujo Story, starring J.D. Pardo and Mercedes Ruehl, aired on June 19, 2006.
  
  
  NOTE:You can also find this movie and vew the whole thing on YouTube. Just search: Girl Like Me Gwen Araujo.  
  

  

  If you have Netflix the full 'real' story and the trial can be viewed by looking up. Trained in the Ways of Men.

        Trained in the Ways of MenDocumentary filmmaker Shelly Prevost examines the brutal 2002 murder of Gwen Araujo, a transgender teen who was killed by four men enraged to discover that she was actually a biological male, in this nuanced look at gender identity and aggression. The case became a rallying point for the transgender community when the men, who had all been intimate with Araujo, claimed that her deception justified their actions.

   

  Cast: Sylvia Guerrero, Tony Serra, Michael Thorman

  Director: Shelly Prévost

   Genres:Documentaries, Gay & Lesbian Movies, Crime Documentaries, Social & Cultural Documentaries

  This movie is:Violent, Cerebral, Controversial, Dark.

   

  PERSONAL NOTE:

  I watched the Youtube vid and the movie on Netflix and I'm still in shock and that's putting it mildly. I cried my man-tears and I'm quite traumatized by it all. What this poor young 'lady' went through and the tragedy of it all shows how life IS unjust even in today's world. Something that will remain with me the rest of my life after seeing this is Gwen's words alone: LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT!