Kyler felt his
cheeks redden and looked down. “I can’t help it.” He put his hands under his
legs but aside from that he couldn’t stop his legs from doing what they wanted.
Being locked in for days on end to avoid the outside world had a way of messing
with one’s head. Dare he tell Ashton why he felt the need to keep moving? Even
if it were just his hands, he needed to. No, Ashton would never understand.
“My mother used to
put me on a time-out when I fidgeted around like a crazed chicken without its
head,” Ashton said. “Do you do speed?”
Kyler gasped, his
hands finding their way back to the top of the table. “No! I don’t do or believe
in drugs. Though my doctor is convinced I’d benefit off of taking
anti-depressants. I told him to go fuck the fuck off. Then he suggested I
exercise more, to work off the nervous energy.”
“And? Did you take
that to heart?”
Kyler grinned and
shook his head. Again, he wiped the imaginary crumbs away. “I’d get bored with
it too fast. I can’t do things by myself. I need someone to help push me. Yet I
don’t want anyone at the same time. I’m better off alone.”
“You’re a true sub
at heart and you’ll always be a sub. What you need is a good strong master who
can show you what it’s truly like to give yourself over to someone who loves
you. Someone to push you, to find yourself. Someone, who will take care of you
and not hurt you. You will find that, but you can’t do that by giving up.”
Kyler felt the tip
of his ears heat up. Yeah, a master is exactly what he didn’t need. His last
two masters just about killed him and blew trust right out the window. His
relationship with Master James lasted all of seventeen months. Over a year of
constant abuse, both physical and emotional. Why did he even stay with that
crazy guy anyway? Was he so desperate for someone that he convinced himself it
was that way for all subs like him? He shoved the glass away to make room for
his dinner plate and patiently waited until the young waiter left, then he
glared at Ashton. “Never again! I’ll kill myself first! Now...let’s eat.”
“I will hear
nothing more about it, Kyler. You’ve been locked up in this house since we met
up for dinner a week ago. We are going out, a night on the town. Just
you and me.”
Kyler grumbled
under his breath and leaned against the wall. He looked around his small
apartment to keep from looking at Ashton. He didn’t want to yell at his oldest
friend, but if he didn’t stop trying to get into his business like this, Kyler was
pretty sure he’d have to strangle the other man to keep him from doing this. “You
go and have a good time. I’m staying right here. Alone.”
Ashton stood in
the hallway and glanced around Kyler. His face was one of pure shock. “I can’t
believe it. You’re fucking leaving me?”
Kyler slowly
turned his head and nodded. Boxes lined one living room wall, sheets of brown
wrapping paper laid spread out on the coffee table, rolls of packing tape, and
bubble wrap lying on the floor was a dead giveaway. “I told you I was.”
Ashton grunted and
stormed past Kyler and went right to the packed boxes. “You are fucking running
away from me? Were you even going to even call me?”
Kyler
walked behind the very upset Ashton with his hands behind his back and took a
seat on the dark blue loveseat. He glanced around the room and frowned. No, his
apartment wasn’t much, but it had been his home for three years. Even when he
lived with his masters, he kept his home as a sanctuary. A place to go when he
was allowed to leave, to gather himself and be alone. Living in downtown Toronto
had its rewards and drawbacks, but for the most part, it had been a dream.
Five blocks from Lake
Ontario, a couple blocks from the Dome,
a short bus ride from Church Street
where he was always in his element. It was in a perfect location. The apartment
itself wasn’t all that, but the two bedrooms, one bath had been his home. His
haven.
“Kyler! Stop
ignoring me and tell me why.”
“It’s for the best.
I’m leaving in a week.”
Ashton actually
growled and slapped one of the boxes, causing it to rock sideways.
“If you break
anything, you’re so paying for it.”
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