Ashton moved away
from the boxes, kicked at the roll of bubble tape and made his way over to Kyler,
then knelt down. He took Kyler’s nervous hands in his and looked into his eyes.
“Don’t leave me. I know you won’t have me as a lover because I can’t be what
you need, but please don’t leave me. You’re all I have, Kyler.” He gave a resonated
sigh of frustration. “Ky, you’re my best friend and I’d be lost without you,
little buddy.”
Kyler rolled his
head back and groaned. God how he hated to hurt Ashton this way, but what
choices did he have? He could go on managing the music store and producing INDI
artists, or he could go to Alaska
and work on a rigging crew. At least there he’d be so damn busy he wouldn’t
have time to think of anything or anyone.
The nightmares
were getting worse instead of better. Instead of five hours of sleep, he was
lucky to get three. Something had to give. When his eyes closed, he
relived the past three years, hour by hour until he wanted to jump out of his
window.
“Please?”
Kyler sat up and
pulled Ashton to him. Though the other man stood more than a few inches taller
than his own measly 5’7 and probably outweighed him by a good thirty pounds the
man fell right into his lap, making his eyes almost bulge out. Kyler placed his
hand on Ashton’s smooth chin and held his head up so he could look into his
eyes. “I’m not leaving you; I’m leaving the hell I live in, sweets. You can
always come and visit me, and I’ll come and see you and we’ll talk on the phone
every day. I just can’t do this anymore.”
“I
didn’t realize you were this unhappy. You hide misery well. Has anyone ever
told you how pretty your eyes are? They look exactly like my coffee in the
mornings.” Ashton laid his head on Kyler’s shoulder and sighed. “What will I do
without you? Why can’t I be what you need? Jesus, Kyler, I love you but it’s
not enough, is it?”
Kyler’s heart
thumped painfully against his rib cage. “Now you’re getting all poetic on me.
You need a man.” They tried dating one another years ago, but after a few
months they were both miserable. Kyler needed a lot more than Ashton was
capable of giving and vice versa. Oh, the sex was great, the love was there, it
was everything else. Ashton needed a partner and Kyler with his constant
demands needed a Master. He didn’t want to leave this his best friend or his
apartment, but he had to. For himself he had to. “I wish it wasn’t so
complicated.”
Ashton chuckled
and kissed Kyler’s wet cheek. He sat up and wiped his own tears away and tried
to smile. “If you have to leave me, at least give me one more night. Give me
tonight to take you out on the town and then take it as it comes. Okay?”
Kyler sniffed and
nodded. “I am wearing purple eye liner. You okay with that?”
“Was I ever, Miss
Prissy?”
Kyler swatted his
arm, stood up, dumping a laughing Ashton onto the floor and said, “One day you
will be.”
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