Saturday, March 12, 2011

Brain Crunch

Today I officially started my one week of holidays. First one of the year and it's going to shit in an egg basket. First I went into work yesterday and wasn't there more than 2hrs and sent home feeling worse than I had the last few days prior. I've come down with the doozie of colds and I'll be honest and sum it up to neglect and not taking care of myself. A few good friends said I need a keeper and they're right. I'll fess up and say I honestly do. I haven't been getting the required sleep and food has turned me off with my never ending nerves and worry over others so I haven't consumed much if anything. Maybe the odd soup. But it didn't help that others were coming in to work sick when they themselves should have kept their ass home. Better yet is I've been in such a daze that I realize I've been fawking up on taking my meds. I have 3 a day and missed taking one one day and the next day I screwed up the order in taking them. Not only did I screw it up I missed taking one again. It's no wonder I woke up really late today and feel the earth moving like it wants to suck me into it's bowels. I think I'm on the proper path today :snickers: At least I hope I am.

That was only part of what I wanted to talk about today. I received a message from my friend telling me he's doing awright and for me to stop worrying. How can I stop worrying I asked myself. I've been frantic for days thinking about only him. Is it pathetic that you when you are in bed at night you're clutching your phone in one hand in case you get an email or text message and don't want to miss it? If it is than I am the pathetic one. I can come across as a cold, unemotional person if you don't know me and many think I'm a snob till they get to know me, but I'm very emotional and the most caring person you'll find once you've gotten to know me. My friendship is loyal and knows no bounds on being devoted to that person.

I never said who my friend was in all the previous posts that has had me in knots for the last week, but I will today. He's spoken of me on his blog, but I haven't on mine. My reasons would be to keep his privacy and I have a sense of obligation and the need to protect him from... Everything. Everything and anything that might hurt him. I love this man with all my heart. We have the same likes, dislikes and it's uncanny how much we think alike. We've known each other for just over 6mths now, but I feel like we've known each other forever. I like to yank that we must have been joined to the hip and we twins in a past life. It's my belief that when people connect very closely that there was or had to be something between them in a past life or lives for them to connect with one another in this life and our souls are reborn we pass on.

Don't get me wrong in what I'm saying. I'm not saying our connection is some love affair. My friend has the love of his life and that man is the most perfect person he could have ever found. I've learned that over the course of the last week. He's an exception partner and to have one like him one days that cares so much I'd be more than blessed to have. Ours is a 'friendship' that has no boundaries and it's endless.

Anyhow, I can't wait for his return so we can take up where we left off and enjoy each others time and company. I really do miss him so much that it's driving me bat-shit with loneliness and you can bet I'll be hear waiting for him.

So... my soulmate friend, Ivan, this song is dedicated to you and know when we meet again... I'LL BE...

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