Thursday, September 29, 2011

September 2011

     Hey everyone,

          My Wolf wants me safe. I told him that I wouldn't leave his side and that the safest place for me is beside me...But let me ask everyone this. How much can one person take before they snap? I mean I have taken more than any normal person would take from an ex. But this is no ordinary ex..This bitch is truly psycotic. She has taken just about everything that I brought with me and now is burning it. All because she wants me away from my Wolf. He asked me early this morning why I was still here? I told him honestly that I love you. Normally I would have left but this is worth the battle. I have looked at this type of love my whole life. I have search for this once in a lifetime love my whole adult life and now that I have found it how do I walk away from it? Answer is I can't walk away. It will take the Reaper to pulling me away from my Wolf. And I know now that my time on this realm is almost coming to an end. Reason is this psycotic bitch will try to take my life. Yes I have reported to the local police they do have warrants out for her arrest. I can not get a order of protection because I do not have a place to stay. I know Sid will say different as will a few of you. But I have come to terms with my death but I just want my mate safe before my time to return to the shadows comes to pass. But let me leave you all with this for thought: When you find the love that only comes around once in a lifetime will you be able to pay the ultimate price? Love you all *hugs everyone*

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Bulletproof by Mary Calmes

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I'm blown away, I'm addicted to Jory and hands down this story in the series was totally and utterly epic as always with Mary's books, but J.H. Christ I want more. I mean I just can't get enough and I'll come out and say I was having a really shit day where everything you can imagine was going wrong and Mary? Thank you so fawking much for helping me to laugh more than once, twice or even three times with Jory's antics, sass and just being the adorable, crack-my-arse up character that you've made him to be.

Totally recommend this book; this series.

Monday, September 26, 2011

For Betryal

Some will see a lot of sadness in this song, I, however, see it as a message of hope... The wind will carry us
I tried to translate the lyrics as accurately as possible:)
Always thinking of you, handsome.


Je n'ai pas peur de la route
I'm not afraid of the road
Faudrait voir, faut qu'on y goûte
We should try, we should taste it
Des méandres au creux des reins
From twists and turns to the hollow of your waist
Et tout ira bien là
And there, everything will be fine
Le vent nous portera
The wind will carry us

Ton message à la Grande Ourse
Your message to the Big Dipper
Et la trajectoire de la course
And the trajectory of the race
Un instantané de velours
An instant of velvet
Même s'il ne sert à rien va
Even if it's not useful then
Le vent l'emportera
The wind will take it away
Tout disparaîtra mais
Everything will disappear but
Le vent nous portera
The wind will carry us

La caresse et la mitraille
The caress and the fire
Et cette plaie qui nous tiraille
And that wound that tears us apart
Le palais des autres jours
The palace of the other days
D'hier et demain
Yesterday and tomorrow
Le vent les portera
The wind will carry them

Génetique en bandouillère
Genetics slung over the shoulder
Des chromosomes dans l'atmosphère
Chromosomes in the atmosphere
Des taxis pour les galaxies
Taxis to the galaxies
Et mon tapis volant dit ?
And my magic carpet says?
Le vent l'emportera
The wind will take it away
Tout disparaîtra mais
Everything will disappear but
Le vent nous portera
The wind will carry us

Ce parfum de nos années mortes
This perfume of our dead years
Ce qui peut frapper à ta porte
What can knock at your door
Infinité de destins
Endless number of destinies
On en pose un et qu'est-ce qu'on en retient?
We put one down and what do we retain?
Le vent l'emportera
The wind will take it away

Pendant que la marée monte
When the tide rises
Et que chacun refait ses comptes
And everyone is doing its accounts
J'emmène au creux de mon ombre
I take on the hollow of my shadow
Des poussières de toi
Dusts of you
Le vent les portera
The wind will carry them
Tout disparaîtra mais
Everything will disappear but
Le vent nous portera
The wind will carry us

Sunday, September 25, 2011

September 2011

     IF anyone has ever truly loved someone the way they were meant to then you will understand what I'm about to say. I love my Wolf with all my heart and soul but I feel him slipping from me. He has told me that I won but then why do I feel like I have lost him? I am so ready to cry my heart out but I know that I can't do that. That I must remain strong without any sign of weakness. I just wish I knew what to do right now? I feel like my heart is breaking and I can't stop it from happening. But at least I have the memories to help me get through life. And I stretched out my dark wings and flew for the first time and even though the flight has been bumpy as hell it's wonderful. Now I just await his decision about whether or not he still wants me and it's the wait that kills.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

September 2011

     Hey everyone,

          Hope everyone is doing alright? As most of you know from reading my last few blogs that I have been going through some serious hell with my Wolf. And all of it is due to his psycot ex. Well, the death threats have ceased for the moment but the name calling hasn't. But I am at a point in my life right now that I don't give two shits about what happens to her. We are just waiting to see what will happen on Nov. 7th, when we go back to court. Then we are going to do what we need to do and bounce out of here. Hopefully he will get only probation for a short term :) Honestly, I wish this stupid fat ugly sow would just leave us alone for the rest of our lives. But instead we have to hide ourselves away just so we can spend some much needed time together without her having to hunt us down or she thinks that we need a constant babysitter so she can be informed about what we are doing and so forth. IF anyone of ever saw her then you all would know what I have to deal with. Right now I wish I was carrying his puppy but I'm glad that I'm not. Sometimes I wonder if its worth all of this hell then I remember just how much I love my Wolf and I can't imagine my life without him so I know that everything that I'm going through with her to be with him is worth the hell that I'm facing and going through right now. Because this type of love only happens once in a lifetime so when it happens to you make sure that you grab it with both hands and hang on for the best ride of your life :) Sounds corny but it is the truth. And now that I have found it I'm going to hang on it with everything that I have.
     I have even thought about sending him back to her but then I remember it would be his death sentence that I would send him too. I even told him as much and everything and he was pissed at me but when I get that scared then I don't think rationally or anything I just go on instincts. And that's what was happening while he was apart from me. She had me so damn scared that I was going on instincts alone and everything. But I just needed to work through it all and reach a certain point in my life so I wouldn't have to worry about what she has to say to me or about me. Because I know the truth about myself something she will never understand or that. As I have told her 'If you don't have me figured out by now then you never will' and it's the absolute truth about me. As I have termed myself 'I am a true force of nature. I am also the true Bitch from Hell'. I will broadside you when you least expect it and so forth. But the true Bitch from Hell no one can digest period :) So be ware when you piss me off. I will finish the dance my way and no one will like it ;)

Boy bullied to death, dad says | Toronto & GTA | News | Toronto Sun

Boy bullied to death, dad says | Toronto & GTA | News | Toronto Sun

The above link is the interview between the news reporter and Mitchell's father. A must see!

Mitchell James Robert Wilson

| Visit Guest Book

MITCHELL JAMES ROBERT WILSON Suddenly at his home in Pickering on Tuesday, September 6, 2011. Beloved son of Craig and Tiffany (predeceased by his mother Shelley). Loving brother to Emma and Kaylen and nephew to "Che Che" (aunt Cheryl). Cherished grandson of Pam and Bob Wilson, John and Joan Usher, Fred Childs, Ken and Doris Wilson and Lesley and Martin Davies. Mitchell touched the lives of so many who will remember him fondly and miss him greatly. The family will receive friends at the McEACHNIE FUNERAL HOME, 28 Old Kingston Road, Pickering Village (Ajax), 905-428-8488, from 2-7 p.m. on Sunday, September 11th. The Funeral Service will be held at Pickering Village United Church, 300 Church Street North, Ajax, on Monday, September 12, 2011 at 10 a.m. If so desired, donations to Muscular Dystrophy Canada ontario-nunavut/ ways-to-give.html would be appreciated. Online condolences may be placed at

Thursday, September 22, 2011

September 2011

     Hey everyone,

         Hope everyone is doing all right? I do have my mate back :). He was released on his own recog on Sept 15th. But we go back to court on Nov. 7th, the first two charges (driving on a suspended) were tossed out. So all we face are the battery charges. Now for the rest of the story, he never once committed the battery charges with his psychot ex. She was the one that committed those on him. He was just defending himself against the fat, ugly sow. Sorry not in me to be nice to her anymore. She has threatened my life on many occassions. And yesterday was the most horrific of the death threats. She threatened to set a house on fire with me in it. Among kicking my ass on a daily basis. She thinks that 'real women' have to fight with their fists. But a 'true' woman walks away so that's what I have been doing is walking away from her. She even wailed on me until my wolf stepped in between her and me. But the one 'death' threat she will do is if my wolf and I have any puppies of our own she will make sure that I lose our puppy and then she will make it to where I can't have any more puppies with him. These threats I don't take lightly. So I have already made a report against her now I just need to get to the courthouse and file a restraining order against her fat, ugly ass. Which I am hoping to do soon. That and to turn over all the info that my wolf and I have on her to his PD or the prosecutor...Love you all *hugs my co-bloggers*

Thursday, September 15, 2011

September 2011

     Hey everyone,

          Sorry that I have been away for a bit..But I have been have some serious difficulties. First to top them off is that my mate was put behind bars by his pyscot ex..She thinks that will when him back to her..Don't know what will happen now. But I do have some sweet news for everyone? ONLY if you want to know that is ;) But my wolf is out of jail but he does have court on Nov 7th at 1 p.m. for battery with intent to harm, dv (domestic violence) and assault and battery. Along with driving on suspended license (2 counts). At least they are all misdeamenors but with the A-D after the Ms. I just wish this fucking nightmare from Hell was over with and we could go on with our lives as we were meant to do. Right  now I'm not sure what he's going to do. If he wants to be with me or her? But whatever he decides it will be what he lives with for the rest of his life. And one way or the other I will survive as I always do.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Time Out!

It's time for me to take an undetermined length of time leave of absence. I'm dealing with some shit right now that's having quite the profound impact on me. I wasn't gonna post anything at all and just vanish for a while, but questions get asked and not all of them I'm willing to answer so just don't ask anything more than what I will tell you here. You want to know how I'm doing? That's fine, but do leave it at that. 

I'm still trying to come to terms with an eleven year old boy committing suicide to top that off my Doc has starting reduced my meds and it's playing mind fawking havoc with my emotions and thought patterns, but he says it's only temporary and my system will adjust over time. I'll tell you it's pretty damn harsh. It's like being on a never ending sugar high only to crash. Hard. A lump was found behind my ear just behind the lobe and I'm scheduled in a couple weeks to have it removed. With all this shit on my mind I'm not sleeping well and my eating has gone to shit like there's no tomorrow. It's bad enough I don't live to eat, but rather eat to live which already isn't often. I'm a java freak and I tend to live off that to muscle through my day. 

My contributors to this blog are already aware of my pending absence which will commence once this blog posts and I'm leaving this in their capable hands. They are more than capable, I have every confidence in them and they come highly qualified to be posters. They are my rock, my shoulder and ones I can reply on when the going gets tough. Like it is now.

So take care, CIAO and see yeah around at some point.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Tribute to 9/11

Before I post the perfect vid, that for me is suitable for the 10 year anniversary of that tragic day back on September 11, 2001, I wish to say a few words on the matter. 

I've read articles, blogs, seen TV news airing it and even heard radio interviews and I came to the realization of a few things that didn't fail to capture my mind. Don't forget warped mind here and I'm a very deep thinker. I can go to dark places most would not adhere to or begin to understand, but it's the underling truth so there you have it.

First off, the radio station I was listening to in my office yesterday interviewed a fellow Canadian who survived the 9/11 tragedy, giving some details of his ordeal, but what struck me is how he spoke of having for the last ten years 'survivor's guilt' and how he could have survived it when others who lost their lives that day had so much more to live for than he had and their the ones that should have survived. Can I say how badly that if he was sitting beside me or near me I would have slapped him upside the head and made sure he'd felt it? Am I mean? I think not. He should be fawking grateful he lived at all and get over wanting his five minutes of radio fame. What it boils down to is that the way I see it, it's decided from the day you exit your mother's womb the precise moment you'll pass on. That's my belief. Your Fate is sealed. How you die can not be foretold or predicted. It just happens and we can not prevent it. I'm an asshole. I know. No need to think it, but it's FACT. To all you survivors? Be damn happy you're going to see another day, stop thinking of yourself and mourn those that lost their future instead!

My second rebuff is how citizens of the United States, citizens of Canada even, only think of their 'people' that were a part of their country when talking or referring to the lost lives of 9/11. Fawk. That! Get off your high damn horse, look up the facts to realize that there are innocents from ALL OVER THE WORLD that died on that traumatic day. From children to teens, to adults of all colors, races and nationalities, from all over the country, city and the world. I'm Canadian but SO WHAT? I digress that when I sit back and pay my respects to all the lives that are lost with a moment of silence, I won't just think of the Canadians because that's what I am! NO! I'll think of every person that lost their lives no matter where they are from or what nationality they are. If you have more than two brain cells left in your head or give a damn you'll do the same. Think of the PEOPLE in general and not their nationality. STOP thinking of only the ones in your State or Country that died that day... pay your respects to EVERYONE! I hope I got my point across loud and clear.

While I'm going to be down and depressed I might also be attending the wake for Mitchel, the eleven year old that I spoke of in my last blog, which unfortunately will be on the same day as the 9/11 memorial tomorrow. It's going to be a double whammy for me in one day.I'll have my mind full of cluster-fawk with everything in one shot.

Now here's my chosen song to tribute to the 9/11 that I have chosen to remember everyone by. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do. :wiping away tears: Love and Peace to one and all. 

~ B ~

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


I'm posting this while I'm in complete tears and devastation at this moment along with my family. 

I just received a phone call from my sister who I will not name and if I had already in some post so be it. Last year she took care of this young boy named Mitchel who is eleven years old this year, who two years prior had lost his mum to cancer which left the dad to take care of him. His only son and only child. Mitchel was overweight and because of this he was constantly bullied in school last year and beaten up by bullies who picked on him relentlessly in school. His first day returning to school would have been today. Mitchel's father went to wake up his son this morning to find this poor boy had put a bag over his head and suffocated himself; committing suicide. This was Mitchel's answer rather than returning to a school and facing those that taunted, teased and beat on him for a full year and terrorizing this poor child. 

I had met Mitchel on many an occasion when visiting my sis and although quiet and often kept to himself, this young boy was very respectful to his elders, very pleasant to talk to and a joy to be around when he did smile.

Mitchel, I know you can't hear this but I am thinking of you along with my family, my little friend and I hope the angels are carrying you to Heaven. You'll be missed.

This song is for you!

In loving memory of Mitchel who passed away today on this day Tuesday August 6th, 2011.

Monday, September 5, 2011

September 2011

     Hey everyone,

     Short time  no see *lol* I have learned that if you think people can change then unless they want to change they won't change. I have been dealing with my mate's ex. She says that she wants to change but she has no signs of changing. I have done a reading on this female and what I saw was a first for me much less say it aloud. I first spoke those words to my mate and then to her. I can do another reading on this particular female and I will get the same reading as I did the first time. She is a stalker with an obessive nature where it comes to my mate. IF I could I would take this female out and quarter her then send her limbs to the four points of the world.

Friends and Foes. Which one are you?

My fingers have been itching to post something all day so here I go...

So many months have passed and it seems these days that time has flown before our eyes and we ask ourselves: Where has the time gone? What have we accomplished? Do we wallow over what's been or go forward and what could be?

I'll be honest in saying that I hardly think about this anymore. I've lost friends and gained a few of them back, but the ones I haven't gained back I have no regrets in having lost them in the first place. Why? Because those few have been nothing but hurtful, spiteful and still to this day cannot let bygones be bygones and they still post and pick at you when you can't be bothered with them any longer. I wonder if  they do this just to help them sleep at night. The pain from seeing my friends hurt or hurting is ten times worse than my own pain. If one of these people being hurt is you, don't let them win cause I sure as fawk don't plan to. I don't believe in the whole eye for an eye bit or being vindictive because you'd be no better than they are, back stabbers. I do hold Faith in: what comes around goes around and all that. Fight for what is right... your dignity!

NOW there are new friends I've made who I need them to know how appreciative I am of them. I understand what they're going through and I want them to know that I am there if not in body in spirit and online. Times are tough and I want them and all my friends to know that no matter what ever is happening in your life now that's impacted it negatively, soon shall pass. Like me you've been hurt and that too will pass cause you're strong and you, we, are all winners, they are not. Just believe in yourselves. So chin up, pass go where those fawktards can go to jail instead and beat those odds you feel are against you. Let NO man or woman put you under!

This song is for those of you that need it most and that I care about most. You all know who you are.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Out of my darkened room

When I do get online which seems to be a rarity these days I sift through the blogs to friends I am following and see what's up with them and what are they posting that I might find of interest. Lately the posts I've come across have been very disturbing. To some my heart goes out to them, to others I hurt for the drama and the unfairness they're being dealt with and dealing with that I'm appalled at. I tend to get off track in my musing and hit some that I want to bend over and just laugh because why? Because what's being said is complete contrary to what I know and believe to being the truth and that hurts the most. Now I know why I just stay away and will continue to do so.

What's gets me is how can people be so heartless and so cruel to stomp on others feeling without giving a fawking shit as to the damage they can cause just one person by their actions and their words? :shrugs: Worthless souls in my opinion. What's the matter? The truth hurts don't it? Fawking deal. I've dealt with so much bullshit for months now that I'm fed up and frankly I'm fawking ecstatic not to be part of the bullshit and people's dramas anymore in certain online areas. It's like a breath of fresh air. A means to ending the hurt. A way of finally healing. It's fan-fawking-tastic! Try it sometime!

I have few friends and the ones in my life know about me inside and out and I cherish them with all that I am. They know who they are so names are not needed. I've been open and honest with them from the getgo and I feel a sense of peace having done that because there's nothing and I mean nothing that you can tell them that they won't come back and say that they didn't know that. They DO! They accept the Real Me and in turn they get that same courteous and respect in return.

People and I'm calling them that and being polite for ONCE in my life and not resorting to unkindly terms, have tried to bring me down, make me feel less of a human being than what I am and did their goddamn best to make me feel smaller of a person than what I already am at a height of 5'5. Well guess what? I'm done with it all, I've gotten back on my feet staying away from the drama, the bickering, the pity parties and most of all those that can not accept others for being WHO THEY ARE by saying one thing and when you turn your back pulling a 360 on their words. In truth I feel sorry for these individuals. I'm over it, I'm done with it and I've learned a hard lesson, but I've come out the wiser.

Having said that and it is the long weekend I plan on getting the hell outta dodge and spending the time with my family that's been helping me heal old unwanted wounds and take much need TLC time-outs like I've been doing for many weekends now. To my friends have a great weekend yourselves. You know how to reach me and I will reply to you, otherwise yammer when I get back. 

CIAO folks.

P.S. I like expressing what I feel through music and what I'm thinking at that given time or rather this one so I'm posting these songs by one of my all time fav groups. 

Thursday, September 1, 2011

September 2011

     Hey everyone,

     How is everyone doing? Me I'm doing good..I was starting to turn cold inside a few days ago thanks to my mate's ex. I hope that she will allow the healing to begin on her heart and start to live her life to the fullest and enjoy it. That way my Wolf and I can be happy without her trying to win him back considering that he has told her that he was done with her and doesn't love her like she loves him. Funny thing is my Wolf and I are trying to work on a set of puppies of our own :). Hopefully I'll be able to have them and more if I'm able to lol. I am doing good in my second round of algebra 1. Enjoy this song everyone :)