Thursday, December 15, 2011

December 2011

     Hey everyone,

           Hope you all are doing well? Raiden just got me to thinking about something *tips hat in Raiden's direction* That is in some shape and form we are all damaged. It doesn't matter if we have an illness that could kill us or what hell we went through growing up. Now I showed a bit of myself a few months back. Let me expose a bit more of my true self to everyone. Sorry this is hard for me *waves at the eyes* Reason is I am damaged not physically or anything like that. But when I was pregnant with my youngest daugther I was in a very abusive relationship. The abuse wasn't physical. It was mental and emotional. Not only did my unborn child go through it with me but my oldest daughter did too. It was after one of the arguments or fights that we had that I wanted to take my daughter and leave for a bit so I could cool down and so could he but that was not an option. Reason is he threatened to have me brought up on kidnapping charges. Me? Kidnapping my own child? Go fig..*sneers and rolls eyes* But he did threaten it. It was a way for him to keep me where he wanted me. I honestly didn't know what to do. I couldn't tell my folks for fear of what would happen to my and my daughter. It wasn't until the police arrested him that I was able to leave him. My girls and I moved in with my folks then and had been living with them on and off for years. Only reason for that was because of everything going up but the wage. After we moved in with my folks and his time on house arrest was over he left. He didn't say goodbye, kiss my ass or anything to me which is fine but he didn't need to do that to his daughter either. My youngest is very sensitive while my oldest is still or as far as I know still dealing with the trauma from that hell. She suffered the night-terrors for 6 months straight. She would wake up in the middle of the night screaming and I would comfort her and reassure her that everything was going to be okay. Everything was until a couple of years ago, when I got tossed out of my own home by some family members. She felt like I had abandoned her and in a way I did. When she needed me the most I wasn't there for her *crying* And that is what kills. Sorry...


  1. :virtual tight hugs: I do understand what you've gone through and MAYBE I'll blog about it one day, but you know if you ever need to talk bout it where I can be found right? Awright, even though I'm laid up on my back in pain that won't stop me from being there for you. :another tight bear hug: For my angel girl.

  2. *hums to self - Urkles theme in my head of 'Did I do that?'- and tapping me lip*

    Nah, seriously angel baby, glad I inspired u. I get that kinda hell more than I speak on. Hell, one day I might share some on that... my sis keeps trying to make me write a book about it.

    I am damn glad u spoke up though, seriously, *hugz major big time* Takes guts to do that, and it helps u more than u know just to get it out.

    There's no sorry in that, even tho I get why u said it for being emotional, over all u did good girl, and u are trying to show them by getting more contact. Trust me in this, one day no matter the outcome ur girls will hit that age when it all snaps in their head and they come ask questions. - living with u or not - and they will see the truth.

    I've raised 14 girls and 3 boys, I been through it all. One I raised as my own from the time I was barely 14. Money and all that jazz. Going through hell they never understood my whys or how my hands were tied on the most part... now as they hit adult hood and things come unraveled they are seeing.

    My mother was a serious manic depressive pathological liar (as in con artist with a vengeance) and had Munchhausen syndrome. - And she love hated me with a passion. I was the clean up for all her fuck ups. Which went through every abuse there is. - Mental is always the worst. U can get over many many things, but that stays with u.

    - and girl I haven't even hit 40 yet. Still got me a few years * razberries Sidvicious *

    Proud of u Angel. Tell ur wolf I said to hug ur ass and eat lil red riding hood later tonight. *snickers a wide grin*

  3. Thank you both *hugs Raiden and Sid tight* I love you all with all of my heart for we are a true family in every sense of the word and that to me is everything. Always has been and always will be.