Friday, July 13, 2012

Trying to cope with: LIFE

Why do I choose that title? :pointing up: Because life to me as I know it will never again be the same.

After a massive round of tests from blood and urine to a renal ultrasound then a renal scan the confirmed diagnosis by my nephrologyst is that I have kidney disease in not just one but both kidneys. I'm sharing it with my followers here and no it's not to get pity from anyone cause the pity party can be shoved up the arse and I don't blog to get it so fawk off, but rather I'm talking about it so it's not driving me up the fawking A-wall to the point I'll bounce and I'll just have a breakdown by dwelling on the implications of it all too damn much. You get me? Like the fact that CKD (Chronic Kidney Disease) patients are at increased risk for ischemic heart disease and a series of diseases caused by reduced blood supply to the heart and congestive heart failure (CHF, when the heart's ability to supply sufficient blood flow to the body is impaired). 

What a life! :drama moment: I better make my peace with it yeah think? I already have cause LIFE you fawking suck!

It's already at stage 3 so what does that mean? The percentage function of my kidneys is 55%. Isn't that just bullshit? How does that affect me? Right now the energy level is very low and I nap a lot, back pain is just peachy and quite frankly I'm embarrassed going out and needing a walking cane on my bad days. A lot of it and too many pills for this or that and such and such. Lets not forget seeing a nutritionist and starting treatment shots, tons more needles of constant blood work and those never ending doctor visits. I practically shit myself every time I see a needle coming at me. What a joke!

Here's a great one for yeah... I had a tooth break and the dentist wouldn't even touch my tooth till the specialist contacted them with the green light to proceed and were told to keep constant monitoring of my blood pressure throughout. This was before my 'confirmed' diagnosis. It just keeps getting better and better.

BUT having said all that there is ONE GOOD thing that's coming out of it all: I'm now a candidate for a study group call AIM to PREVENT. AIM is a 3 year study where the participant in this clinical research who have CKD allows the study Doctor(s) to collect blood and urine samples every 6 months (not including reg visits) in order to analyze the levels of protein and chemicals in the samples. The goal of this study is to see if there is a set of blood and urine tests that may help doctors identify individuals or populations who are at risk for worsening of chronic disease. Basically, I'll be a lab rat to serve the better good for those of you who might get lucky in being diagnosed in the very early stages and maybe if something can be found it'll help the Docs to help you combat it before it gets to the extreme. 

I find THAT kinda cool, but it's a damn shame I have to get this disease in order to help others in the world of the future.

On a final note: Pity? I don't want it. Feeling sorry for me? Don't want that either. Your support and understanding? I'll snatch that up any day!

Mucho gracias for hearing me out, hanging out and have yourself one hellova great weekend, Folks!


  1. *hugz* because I feel like that's all I can really offer right now.

    <3 ya. You know I'm here if you need me.

  2. ~Hugs tight~ I'm around if you need me drop me an email. I haven't talked with you for a while now.

  3. Thank you, both of you. You made me actually smile seeing both of you commenting. I've been having more shit days than good ones and you've uplifted me spirits.

  4. No pity from me, just love and hugs. Drop me a message. I've missed you.

  5. *big damn breath*.... U know, I read this when it came out.. the exact day I got my damn news... well pretty much since more is still falling on my soon to be crushed head... and I am SO with u on the pity shit... think if I see one more person tear up or go I'm so sorry I might literally snap their well meaning necks...

    My next guinea pig test is the 25th, colon, to see whats making the insides to what they suddenly been deciding to do... I'm becoming a balloon... anyway, u know Im there for u, totally, got ears beers and plenty of spit to curse them to hell and back. *g*

    My head is warped... improving from last weeks talk with E where I was totally mindfucked.

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  7. Thanks for your comments and Nancy? If you have my email addy drop me a line. I can't remember what yours is :feeling ashamed:

    I'm seeing a nutritionist today because it's a necessity. Not sure I'm ready to hear about all the food I can't eat. I'll keep y'all posted.

  8. My mom's husband has kidney problems and has a long list of foods he can't eat. The good thing about it is he's getting down to a healthy weight. The restrictive diet bothered Charlie at first. Now, it's just a new habit.

    I don't have your email either. Send me a message on Goodreads.