Sunday, November 20, 2011


This post was a long time coming and I wanted to blog about it today. I found a great website about it and before I post this I wish to say a few words personally on this topic myself. I'm unfortunately a very 'trusting' soul. People confide in me and to me and I never ever betray that confidence. I keep what is said to myself in strict confidence and it's never repeated, but not sure if some of you like myself have had that TRUST betrayed. I have on more than one occasion. 

Does it hurt? Fawking right it does! 

People can be so cruel and not realize the damage and chaos they've created till it's too late. You CAN NOT turn back time. What's done is done and I can not fathom why they done it, but it doesn't even warrant 1% of my forgiveness. EVER. Someone you might have thought was your closest friend(s) can do it to you as it has been done to me. I've had a well known author do it to me. Shock? Tell me about it!! For what reason? Good question. One only they can answer and I'm at a point in my life that I don't give a rats arse anymore. I'm over it and the damage is done. Will I ever trust again? I have with a selected few. Trust is not something that should be taken lightly. It's not a game. It's a person's LIFE!

Now on to this article I've found regarding TRUST:

What is Trust?

Trust is both and emotional and logical act. Emotionally, it is where you expose your vulnerabilities to people, but believing they will not take advantage of your openness. Logically, it is where you have assessed the probabilities of gain and loss, calculating expected utility based on hard performance data, and concluded that the person in question will behave in a predictable manner. In practice, trust is a bit of both. I trust you because I have experienced your trustworthiness and because I have faith in human nature.

We feel trust. Emotions associated with trust include companionship, friendship, love, agreement, relaxation, comfort.

There are a number of different ways we can define trust. Here are the dimensions of trust and consequent definitions.


It is a normal part of the human condition to be constantly forecasting ahead. We build internal models of the world based both on our experiences and what others tell us, and then use these to guess what will happen next. This allows us to spot and prepare for threats and also make plans to achieve our longer-term goals.
The greatest unpredictability is at 50%; a reliable enemy can be preferable to an unpredictable friend, as at least we know where we are with them.
Definition 1: Trust means being able to predict what other people will do and what situations will occur. If we can surround ourselves with people we trust, then we can create a safe present and an even better future.

Value exchange

Most of what we do with other people is based around exchange, which is the basis for all businesses as well as simple relationships. At its simplest, it is exchange of goods. I will swap you two sheep for one cow. It is easy to calculate the value in such material bargaining. Things get more complex when less tangible forces come into play. A parent exchanges attention for love. A company exchanges not only pay but good working conditions for the intellectual and manual efforts of its workforce. Value exchange works because we each value things differently. If I have a whole flock of sheep but no milk, then I can do business with a person who has a herd of cows but no clothes. This principle of reciprocity is what binds societies together. Trust in value exchange occurs when we do not know fully whether what we are receiving is what we expect. When we buy a car, don’t want to be sold a ringer which the seller knows is faulty. When I get advice in business, I want it to be based on facts, not wild opinions.
Definition 2: Trust means making an exchange with someone when you do not have full knowledge about them, their intent and the things they are offering to you.

Delayed reciprocity

Exchange is not just about an immediate swapping of cows and sheep or hugs and kisses. What makes companies and societies really work is that something is given now, but the return is paid back some time in the future. The advantage of this is that we can create a more flexible environment, where you can get what you need when you need it, rather than having to save up for it. Trust now becomes particularly important, because otherwise we are giving something for nothing. The delay we have placed in the reciprocal arrangement adds a high level of uncertainty which we need to mitigate through trust. What is often called the ‘golden rule’ is a simple formula for creating trust. ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ It sets up the dynamic for my giving you something now with the hope of getting back some unspecified thing in the indeterminate future.
Definition 3: Trust means giving something now with an expectation that it will be repaid, possibly in some unspecified way at some unspecified time in the future.

Exposed vulnerabilities

When we trust other people, we may not only be giving them something in hope of getting something else back in the future, we may also be exposing ourselves in a way that they can take advantage of our vulnerabilities. If I buy a car from you and I do not know a good price, you can lie to me so you get a better bargain. If I tell you in confidence about the problems I am having with work, you could use this to further your own career at my expense.

Although the threat of retribution or projected feelings of guilt can counteract your temptation to abuse my exposed vulnerabilities, if you succumb I still get hurt and may still end up with the shorter stick. For our transaction to complete successfully, I must be able to trust that such agonies will not come to pass.
Definition 4: Trust means enabling other people to take advantage of your vulnerabilities—but expecting that they will not do this.

So what?

So learn about trust, how it works and how to build it. If you do it well, other people will give you the earth. If you betray them, they will hunt you to the ends of the earth.


  1. Trust isn't something that should ever be given easily, its a treasured part of ur soul that should be well guarded. Take it from a fellow well beaten lone wolf.

    Sorry you were hurt so deeply, old friend.

  2. Do... not too sure on that, but I'll hit u up. We can talk.

  3. My dearest Demon, you aren't the only one that is too trusting. I am the same way. I will trust a person until their true colors show themselves. And I have had family members tell me that is my greatest downfall as well. To give a very good example: My mate's ex I trusted her until she showed me her true black colors. And now I am very leary about trusting her ever again because after everything that she has done to me I know I will never be able to trust her again. But when trust is betrayed by those that we love that is a greatest betrayal of all. My baby sister betrayed my trust in her by texting with my mate's ex. And now I know that I will probably never trust her again no matter what transpires between us. I also taught me to only trust those that I can count on and to allow them into my inner circle. Trust once it is broken is very hard to gain back under normal circumstances but when it is betrayed it will be gained fully back without some suspicions that will linger.

  4. Angel I hear yeah but... Am I a complete idiot and fool to say I forgive those people that wronged me? Maybe I need to harden my heart the way I was before. LOL you all know how I was then with the whole attitude and no one got one over on me. Maybe Icelus needs to come back in full force!

  5. Hm, now see IceIce baby was sooo fun too. *cackles looking for snacks* Yo angel, hi.

  6. Demon, you are not a fool. It's all part of being who we truly are. And if we chose to forgive the wrongdoers then that is our choice. But I do know this and that is it will take time for us to fully forgive them for what they have done to us. We just need to be leery of them and their intentions but Icelus needs to be kept at bay. But in the end the choice is yours to make my friend. Hey Raiden :)

  7. Angel, I can forgive, but I will NEVER forget. It's not part of any of my compulsions that allows me to meet such a feat.