Monday, August 29, 2011


I know I haven't posted in awhile, but as it goes these days I've been quite busy and most of it is due to getting my life back in order and on track with the help of counselors and group which will be starting within the next few weeks with others like myself who WILL understand ME. There's been pure utter bullshit that's happened to me in the past and I now say: So fawking what! I believe everything in life happens for a reason. Whether it be good or bad, positive or destructive that can make you an ambassador or an assassinator... it's going to happen and there's not a damn thing you can do about it, but what I did learn from it all is what you do about it and how you handle it going forward.

I plan on writing some posts soon-ish to continue from where I left off way back when, when I was talking about my life and growing up and what it was like to be ME. When it all started my becoming a transgender along with how it resulted and further and foremost bring you into my world on what it's like, how it feels to be rejected, to not have others understand you and to be bashed and banished as the reject you are and appear to be in the eyes of those that just don't understand us.  

Till then I thank those of you who are following and welcome those that have newly joined. I and your comments are appreciated. Questions I will no doubt answer and ask anything. We all have the choice whether or not to answer, right? But I will to the best of my knowledge.

My stalker emailed me with some very interesting questions this evening and all I have to say is: Darlin' wait and see and read. Those questions will be answered eventually.

I'm posting this song to end this post because I believe, truly do that some can relate and this song gives many of us hope where we feel at times all hope is lost.

Enjoy... Betryal

Thursday, August 25, 2011

August 2011

     Hey everyone,

          You know when you find that right person that you have been waiting your whole life for? Well, I have that someone very damn special to me. I was in a very dark place over the last few days. I saw my mate try to take his life and that had scared me to my core. I broke down since that day but I'm still worried and scared that he will one day succeed in doing it. I had told him that I couldn't handle watching him to that to himself for a 3rd time. He has promised me that he wouldn't do it and I believe him. Not to mention that I have head to toe poison oak which doesn't help my emotions right now either..I look like a fucked up Frankenstein creation or a Black Plague vic from the Dark Ages. But I do know that it will take me a little time to get through this emotional hell rollercoaster but as long as I have my dark mate, my soul brother and you all and my family I know that I will make it through..Love you all *hugs everyone* Sweet dreams and Nite...

Sunday, August 21, 2011

August 2011

     Hey everyone, I know that I have been slacking a bit but I have my reasons ;) I am in a much better mood for once. I am starting to write again and if anyone is interested in my writing you can find me on Devil's Playground or in my own blog here called Angel of the Night18. No I don't date my enteries either like most people do but then I'm not exactly normal either ;) I don't think inside the box :) I do go bitch from hell from time to time only because I care about those closest to me like my mate, Bullet and a few others. I never do what I'm told to do and you will find me very adventurous but that depends on the situation and everything else ;) But right now I am suffering from a bad case of poison ivy and oak go  Before anyone askes no I wasn't frockling in the stuff with my mate. If I had been doing that I would have up inside the body which isn't good either. I am at a point in my life where I know just how much my mate loves me and thanks to a good dear Scotsman he helped my mate to open up to me kso I didn't feel like I had to pull teeth with him lol...But all in all it has been a good week. I am passing my psych class but now I start my 9 weeks of algebra 1 Hell again..So keep your fingers crossed and hope that I pass this fucking damn class so I can get through my next two classes and grad with my Associate's. Love you all passionately *hugs everyone*

Saturday, August 20, 2011

The Devils Playground

I just thought I'd get this out there and what other way than to blog it here. Myself and a guy named Erik :winks: run a writer's group. This is basically, mainly where I write my skits, stories and such and post them so that anyone that is a member can read them and so can the members as well. If you're interested hope to see you there and FYI There are no cost or charges. It's for fun and a means of sharing your works and writes. Everyone is welcome.

Here's more detail if you are interested in joining up and the link to get there: 




This group is meant for those of you that wish to write. What do you want to write? I don't know it's up to you. Everything is acceptable here from 'G' RATED to ADULT CONTENT STRAIGHT/ GAY/ BI/LESBIAN/TRANSEXUAL FICTION...this is literally an anything goes type of loop. Please be sure to not involve children in any type of improper situations...we are not that kind of group. Please be sure to put the appropriate warnings and labels in the titles of your works. 


Monday, August 15, 2011


By the title you're probably scratching your heads wondering what the fawk is that supposed to mean. Patience! I'm gonna tell yeah in uno momento. Patience, although I lack severely of it is a virtue or so they say. Here's the motley group of us that makes up SMORES :snickering:

S: Sidney (Bullet) Freak on a leash is moi
M: Miles (Bitch Monkey) Watch out for his frying pan and don't mess with my bitch :snorts:
O: Ornery Angel (Angel of the Night) Gotta love her for her attitude when she gets riled up
R: Rabid Rodent (Kail) My Bro and he's whacked, but you gotta love him to death.
E: Exclusive Nat (Natsrochan) I call her this because she's my one and only stalker meant for me and me alone. I'm not sharing her :grins:
S: Sinsin (Hales) She's my own personal Sin :winks:

Can't you just tell that my morbid brain where I don't even wish it on my worst enemy to go has been thinking? But I like being the marsh in the mellow to the group, but half of one side of the smores are missing. That would be the Monkey and the Rodent. Not to worry they'll be back and I'm sure they'll have posts going up to make up for their absence. :tapping foot: Fawk yeah, they better. You might wonder where they are? I'm not at liberty to say. It's confidential and classified knowledge unless they wish to share it with you. I've got it filed under the X-Files. :nods:

Other than that till they get back I want to post one song for me. The first one. The next one is from me to Miles, the third is from me to them both and the last is for them because I'm proud of them both just for who they are and it's also for God as well (He knows who he is :blowing God a kiss: I've chosen songs by the group Def Leppard. Why? Cause I am going to see them live in concert tomorrow and I'm hyped as all bleeding hell!

So guys, get home soon, damnit! :cussing like a trucker going through withdrawals:

Saturday, August 13, 2011

August 2011

     There are times that I get philosphical and there are times when I just have to be brutally honestly. But this isn't either of those moments :) I have seen and done things that most people would be shocked about but as it happens its just me. Right now I am having to deal with a lot of stress and everything. The biggest stressor in my life is my mate's ex or whatever. She thinks that she can give him what he needs but what she does is shred him and then bitches when she doesn't get what she wants. Me, I don't shred a person so far down that they want to take their own life and I sure in the hell don't scar a child both psychologically, mentally or emotionally like this bitch does to their son. I just wish there was something that I could do for my mate and his son? She says that she's going to kill herself and to me the more she talks about it the more she doesn't want to do it but honestly I don't give a damn anymore. I know that I shouldn't be like that but a person just gets to the point that they just don't care about what happens to someone else. I have never said a bad word about anyone and anyone who knows me can testify to that. But I did a while back to this bitch..I called her pure evil to her face and I also informed her that her heart and soul were black. That is a first for me to say that about anyone but her actions speak louder than her words. And as black as her soul and heart are they make this person ugly as sin. People have called me "Angel" but I know that I could never make "Angel" even if I died  lol. Running joke about myself :) This person has to get drunk and stoned just to be able to cope with reality. Instead of turning the bad experiences around she has allowed them to define who she is instead of defining herself as person. She has even shredded me in her tyrates but the worst of all she shreds my mate down so much that she doesn't care. I thought I could help her but she is so far gone that I wonder if she did take her own life if it wouldn't be better for everyone involved?

Swords in the Wind

One of my favorite vids..The song is done by ManoWar and set to the background of the 13th Warrior. *snickers*  Enjoy the vid :)

Friday, August 12, 2011

Swords in the Wind

     I dare anyone to say anything bad about this video? I love the 13th Warrior and ManoWar..*snickers with weapon in hand*

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I Go Back

Ok now... I know some or most of you don't care for this type of music and mostly I don't either, but I make the occasional exception and beside a cowpoke is singing it. He's a little hawt me thinks. Anyhow the reason for posting this song is the words in every way speak a lot of my growing up and that tapped into my psych.

So before you go throwing food and shit at me for the tune I've chosen to post :snickering: I'm taking cover :sprinting out of the room to find a bomb shelter to hide in:

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

New SL

     Hey everyone, I have been inspired and asked by Bullet to try my hand at an m/m story. This is a bit out of my comfort zone but I believe it will be worth the wait :) As far as Silver's story it's coming along just nicely. I have posted part 1 of Rayven and Lucien's story in my personal blog. Hope you all enjoy the stories :)

No comment...

"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you."
— Elbert Hubbard

Sunday, August 7, 2011

August 7th, 2011

     I normally don't discuss myself or that with hardly anyone. But I have been wondering a few things. And the only way for me to express my emotions is through my writing. You could call this therapy for me. Sometimes I wonder if love is even worth the hell that a person can put themself through to be with that one person that is meant for them? I know it is if that person truly belongs and loves that person enough that they would allow someone else to slaughter them. But when the person that wants to slaughter the other claims to still love the person that is being fought over or that. Is it wiser that the interloper just step aside and move on? Or stand and fight?

My dear friend Sid

     I guess you could say that I walk to a different drummer. What I mean by that is because I see things differently. I see how things are, how things could be and everything else. But one thing I do know is what goes on in a person's heart. You can call it a gift sometimes I call it a curse. But that is just me. Now I have a very dear friend by the name of Sid. He is funny, outgoing, sweet, kind, gently, and very compassionate. His soul is beautiful just like his heart. I remember a time when we were just flirting with each other.. He pulls you in with his stories and makes you feel about apart of them. I have a few of his wonderful writings Sins of the Blood and Twilight's Lost Soul. But nothing compares to the person that he truly is. When he writes it's from the heart and it is very evident that his soul shines through each of his stories. Sid never had a malicous bone in his beautiful body. Those of us who know Sid love him with all our hearts. Before juding him get to know him and you will see what we see, which is a beautiful soul and heart.


     LISTEN UP TO MORONS: I have a friend that is very dear to my heart. He is funny, sweet, quirky and so much more to those of us who love and care about him. YOU CAN EITHER LAY THE HELL OFF OF HIM OR YOU WILL SEE A SIDE OF ME THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE.

Saturday, August 6, 2011


I’ve tried to keep my peace and my silence to all the goings on and everything around me, but I’ve come to a breaking point where I’m seething with rage and I’ve had fawking enough so I’m finally speaking out and so help me God it better end here. People are getting hurt because shit can’t be left alone and for some? life can’t seem to go on even though heaven knows many of us including myself are trying too move forward!

STOP acting like kindergarten children! Aren’t we supposed to all be adults here?
STOP pointing the finger and blaming others, when something isn’t to your satisfaction in your life. I’m not going to be your escape goat anymore.
STOP harassing. I despise this the most and I walk away without looking back. Why can’t everyone else?
STOP the hatred. This is what starts wars.
STOP judging me until you know me. In which only a selected few of you do.
STOP and don’t underestimate me until you challenge me.    
STOP talking about me until you talk to me.
STOP harping on what was in the past and move the fawk on! Cause I have. Let it rest already.
STOP making innocent people feel lesser of a person than what they are because you’re not happy.
STOP making friends choose sides and allow them to choose for themselves. You can’t control what others say or do. They think for themselves. We’ve all lost friends. Get over it.
STOP bashing. If you know what it feels like to be bashed for who you are and you treat others the way you’ve been treated? You’re no different than the bashers themselves.
STOP the demeaning words and insults because you are no better than the rest who will do this to you.
STOP and look at what’s around you and instead of straight ahead and being narrow minded.
STOP and see that people have feelings too and can just as easily get hurt.
STOP and look at the bigger picture being close minded can cause to those around you.


STOP coming onto this blog page and reading the blogs my friends and myself post if they offend YOU. The world does not evolve around you and everything that gets said or posted is NOT about YOU, but of the populace in general as a whole. We are a motley group that’s here to express ourselves, discuss topics and interests and if your interest is not in what we have to say and only to spread gossip YOU should NOT be here and are NOT wanted here. I’m not going to delete anyone because I'm not cruel, vengeful, manipulative as some wish others to believe or wish harms towards even my enemies. I care, I'm giving and I'd never hurt anyone, but I expect you to be a grown-up and not a school kid that points the finger and leaves this blog site on your own accord if your intentions of being here are ill fated towards me, my friends and contributors to this blog. I will NOT be your means to use as a gossip column. 

If you can’t be an honest friend or follower here? Please do the honorable thing and just…LEAVE!

This Is Our End

by Jessica A. Phillipi

You can stand there and smile you can sit there and laugh
but you can't trick me I know it's a mask
You’re trying to lie to me and everyone else
but why is it that you’re lying to yourself?
You can calmly sit there and try to look cool
but I know your emotions and I know it’s a tool
I know inside you your feelings rage
The suspense builds with the turn of a page
By day you’re one person by night another
and neither of them have anything to do with each other
I've watched you sink farther from your heart
and all of this just tears me apart
I sit here and cry, for you not for me
What you've become I wish you could see
No words could I use to help me explain
what it does to me to see you in pain
You’re not there anymore my once dearest friend
I hate to say this but this is our end

A song that inspires me to not sweat the little stuff and move on, forward and up in life.


Thursday, August 4, 2011

People like you and me... please spread the word!

Knowing one and treating them as a human being who also has feelings just like you. Don't hate but rather embrace and understand them.

"Imagine that you had a debilitating birth defect and no one understood or even wanted to hear about it. That's how many transgender individuals feel--that their body is a mistake. Inside they feel like one gender but the world perceives them as another. It's a sensitive issue that's only just being explored in popular discourse. 
o    1
Know that being transgender is a medical condition called gender dysphoria. Transgender persons are not mentally ill, any more than any other segment of the population, though they may struggle more with a lack of support. Being transgender is not something that people "make up." It is a lifelong disability.
o    2
Be aware that coming out as transgender is often a gradual process. Hormones are a first step for many transgender persons. Another early move is to begin dressing as their true sex in situations they perceive as safe.
o    3
Understand that transgender persons can undergo sexual reassignment surgery (SRS), but not everyone does. SRS is a good solution for many people, but it is expensive and usually not covered by insurance. Some male-to-female transgender persons have only the "top surgery," or removal of their breasts.
o    4
Know that coming out as a transgender person is risky business. Transgender persons are not protected in the area of employment by federal or most state laws. A boss can fire them for simply being who they are. They are often targeted as victims of abuse and even violence.
o    5
Realize that transgender persons can be gay, straight or bisexual. Transgender status is about identity, not sexual orientation. For example, males who transition to female can be attracted to men or women as they were before the transition. It's their identity that changes, not their orientation.
o    6
Understand why transgender people are the "T" in the GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender) community. All are considered sexual minorities, and they share many issues, even if orientation isn't one of them.
o    7
Appreciate that once they begin transitioning, most transgender persons want others to use the pronouns that fit their new, outer appearance. If you're unsure, ask, "How do you identify?""

Tips & Warnings

  • Rent and watch the movie "TransAmerica." The filmmaker and cast do a tremendous job exploring transgender issues.
  • Don't make fun of transgender persons, even if you think it's "harmless." Cruel remarks add to the cycle of violence perpetuated against them.


What is most effective? Songs from Indochine to cheer me up...

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

August 2011

    Hey everyone,

         How's it going? :) Me? Meh..could be better. I'm here in Indy with my wolf. Wish I was home right now. But I'm staying by his side because of his son. I also failed my first algebra class. I am working on my next round of the MidNight Angels ;) I also posted a new one. I'm also working on my Dark Angel novel. I have two inspirations for that novel one is Joachim Ogren. He inspired Dark Angel himself while my wolf also inspired Dark Angel and now that character is fully complete. The one that I did submit is called Sparta. Obvious reasons. But I wrote it for a very dear friend of mine who lives in Malaysia. :) I hope everyone enjoys Sparta. I know this one isn't my best work but I apologize for that. Was in kinda of a hurry about getting it done. The MidNight Angels have a very special place in my heart and I thought it was time to bring their world to reality. And well MidNight Angels Silver is going to be very interesting to ready. Not to far into it but now I have the inspiration for it and so I'm focusing on it as well as another story for my wolf and Dark Angel. I stay busy because I know if I don't then my mouth will probably overload my ass right now. LOL...To know me can get pretty dicey at times. But other than that I am fun loving, compassionate, adventurous and so much more that what people see on the outside. I am the Angel of the Night :) For I thrive in the night and the shadows is where you will find me. I walk in the sun but the night is my home and playground. :) So catch me if you can....;)